Okay, I gotta be honest. When I pulled this card I wasn’t feeling very well and the question in my mind is whether or not I should go to work. When this came up reversed my immediate response was “I shouldn’t go anywhere”. This, of course, suited my desire to stay home quite nicely.

Upon further reflection, a few things come to mind looking at these cards. The first is that I now may not be the time to move beyond this stalemate in which I seem to be stuck. I know it needs to happen but perhaps this isn’t the time. Maybe now is the time for assessing and evaluating; considering what changes need to be made and planning how to make them. I’ve often gotten a sense of mourning from this card – the woman seated in the boat looks like she’s leaving a funeral. So maybe that’s part of the key too. I need to consider what I would be leaving behind and my ability to mourn it and move on.

Another aspect of these cards that strikes me as I look at them is that they can symbolize intellect flowing over emotions. To me this means that my intellect can help me cope with the emotional issues related to this situation. However because this card is reversed, now is probably not the time to make this move.

I’m getting a strong sense that the issues about which I’m stuck in a stalemate are not related to my primary job (although I do have ups and downs with that). Where I seem to be more stuck right now is with building my Tarot business.

For many moons now I have claimed that I want to do more professional readings. But I never actually take any steps to manifest this desire. Why? I have no real idea. I think a measure of it is fear. I’m comfortable with intellectual pursuits (learning about Tarot, taking classes, etc.) but when it comes to actually advising people that’s a different story. Then we are entering into a realm that incorporates the emotional and I have a healthy fear of the emotional realm. In many ways I think it is why I decided not to pursue a doctoral degree in psychology – I don’t want people coming to me when they’re in pain. I have often joked that one of the reasons I am uncomfortable with small children is that they are too vulnerable, too needy. That’s not really a joke. Young children are very defenseless and vulnerable; they can be easily hurt and sometimes carry scars for years that result from a seemingly minor incident. I feel the same way about people seeking counseling or a Tarot reading.

Intellectually I realize that this is more a reflection of my own self-doubts and fears than of reality. When I have done Tarot readings I haven’t been unsympathetic or done anything to cause the querent pain. But I think part of my issue is that I run from emotional situations. This might be the result of growing up the daughter of an abusive alcoholic father. I became hypersensitive to the emotional currents in my family (as is common in children of alcoholics) and I think I bring that to Tarot readings. I am so hypersensitive to the least emotional twitch from a querent that I paralyze myself. I think rather than continuing to run away from this, I need to face my fear and learn to accept that I can handle this. I’ve survived much rougher stuff than this. I can handle it. And who knows, maybe I can help querents with similar problems handle their stuff too.

So maybe the stalemate is breaking and soon I’ll be able to move forward with this. It’s time to move beyond the 2 of Swords.