How interesting that I drew the 6 of Pentacles reversed on my day of recuperation from IFDC. I spent most of yesterday traveling – from Las Vegas to Atlanta and from Atlanta to Newark. Then I had to take the train from Newark home. I was wiped by the time I got here. And while I know this card can refer to money issues – being giving or being selfish and cheap, in light of my physical exhaustion I think it’s a message to conserve my resources.

I give away a lot of my energy at events like IFDC or Readers Studio because I am always “on”. I make an effort to be friendly, outgoing and inclusive. This is not easy for me because it also opens me up beyond my comfort zone.

I think one of my strongest defense mechanism is the thick shell with which I surround myself. Anyone who has ever ridden NYC subways knows what I mean – we have to channel a zombie to survive the day to day sensory overload. I’ve seen many people who lose themselves in their music via headphones, firmly keep their nose pressed into a newspaper or just develop a dead-eyed stare. All this is done in an effort to avoid being engaged. We just don’t want to become ensnared in someone else’s problems. We can’t deal with it. So as a result of this protective behavior we are not as open to giving or receiving as might be our natural inclination.

When I go to a conference of like-minded individuals I don’t want to drag this protective shell with me and I leave it home (it’s very hard to pack it in the carry-on). As a result I’m much more vulnerable and open and become more easily worn out. So when I return home I need at least a day to charge my batteries. My whole body feels exhausted and I can barely keep my energy levels up. So I withdraw into myself a bit. The only person I deal with is my hubby – who is very good at taking care of me.

But as wearing as these conferences can be, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I am running on joy and fun the entire time. I love seeing old friends and making news ones, looking a people’s prized dolls or Tarot decks and talking with fellow collectors. I always learn at least one new tip, trick or idea that I can take home with me. But the price I pay is that after I’ve burned out all thrusters I have to completely relax and re-charge. So today is my day of personal re-charging.