A Knight of Pentacles day – slow but sure-footed. This card can represent a focus that is too narrow; the need to develop greater breadth of vision; experimenting with imaginative problem-solving techniques; lethargy, lack of discipline; inability to make plans, limited vision; irresponsibility, especially when it comes to carrying out assignments.

Okay, I’ll admit it; I’ve been pretty lethargic lately. I feel like a stop up drain. I can’t get excited about anything work related. Things at the office are so skewed that the vibes are pretty negative. It just depletes your morale. Even in situations that don’t directly impact me, I can sense the unhappiness. There is one thing I will always say for my agency when I first started – it was chaotic, hectic and demanding but we had fun. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of fun anymore. Accountability, results and trackability have become the buzz words of the day. But we are demanding trackability at the expense of results. People are scurrying around trying to make sure they cross ever T and dot every "I". Potentially wonderful programs are being scrapped because we have no “proof” that they’re beneficial.

But the bottom line is that I can only be responsible for my own actions or lack thereof. And right now, I have to admit I haven’t been acting very goal-oriented. I feel like I’m stuck in the doldrums. I’m not depressed, just rather disinterested. It’s not even that I don’t care about this agency and its mission. It’s that my job is so ill-defined and conflicted that I don’t know which way to turn. I can be a self-starter but I’m also very territorial and our new Chief of Operations (or whatever the hell we’re calling that position this week) is setting up several training sessions and not filling me in. That just pisses me off.

And when I speak to my supervisor his advice is to just keep moving forward and setting up training workshops as though what the COO is doing is irrelevant. I know he’s right but that’s just a different mindset for me. It’ll take some getting used to. But I’ve got to shift gears here otherwise I’ll be following my predecessors and be out of a job.