Today I drew the Knight of Swords reversed. Traditionally this can represent a need to maintain calm detachment and wait to act; achieve clarity and allow other events to sort themselves out; recklessly imposing our ideas or actions on others; waiting for others to take the initiative or to set goals for us; being inhibited in action or thought; being unwilling to defend our position

And quite frankly this does describe my approach to professional matters lately. I am letting others set the tone. Part of that is due to my own insecurities and part is due to a lack of direction or guidance from my supervisors. I am afraid to make a decision or pursue a path because I have no idea if it’s he way this agency wants to go.

On both these cards the Knight looks unfettered and uninhibited. They are ready and willing to charge forward face the challenges that await them. In many respects I enjoy nothing more than facing a challenge. It gets my adrenalin going and my blood pumping but when I feel unsure of my cause, my energy flounders. And perhaps that is the message for me here. I have to find the inner strength to overcome these self-doubts, these inner demons or inner critics that harp at me relentlessly. If I give in to their criticism then I create a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I’m not ready to give in that easily.

Self-doubt is a horrible beast. It shreds at our insides and won’t leave us in peace. But if we can accept the challenge posed by the Knight of Swords, we just might be able to beat that beast into submission. As for me, I’m going to start focusing on my achievements rather than my failures. It’s a start but I have often found that putting one foot in front of the other is the best way to reach a goal.