Today I drew the 6 of Cups reversed. This card can indicate that one shouldn’t cling to an ideal of how things out to be, clinging to a romanticized and nostalgic view of childhood. Wallowing in memories and emotions of childhood victimization or mistreatment result in situations where self-indulgence, irresponsibility and other unhealthy and immature behaviors become justified. If we lose ourselves in the past, whether it is in good memories or unhappy ones, creates a situation where one’s energy and focus is stuck in the past too. This card can also serve as a warning not to focus so much on past triumphs that we are no longer open to new ideas and new challenges.

Instead, this card can serve as a messenger reminding us to reconnect with activities and creative interests that gave us joy when we were children. We can use these activities to recapture lost pieces of our unique self and revive some of those old interests. Using our memories and feelings for these lost activities will allow us to creatively integrate our love of the material world with our love of the spiritual world. However this may require a lot of soul-searching to create a change in attitude.

Looking at the image on the Whispering 6 of Cups I’m reminded of the tales of Lohengrin, the swan knight. He can glide over the waters and partake of their benefits (as symbolized by the chalice he holds) but he doesn’t sink beneath the waters and lose himself in them. In the Templar 6 of Cups I am struck by the sense that this is two friends who share common memories and they have come together to honor and celebrate these memories.

So how can I utilize these concepts in my life right now? Well to be perfectly honest this is something I’ve been considering quite a bit over the last few days. My office has become something of a minefield. Three upper management staff have been terminated (or resigned depending upon which version you believe) in the last week and a half. Things are so tense in my office that I feel like I’m waiting to dodge a bullet. We’re all walking on eggshells. And this environment has led to a lot of introspection on my part (which is not easy because I’m not really that interested in introspection as a rule). And I’ve reached a few conclusions.

The first is that my connection to this agency is becoming less about my positive experiences as an employee and more about my connection to the wonderful childhood memories I have as a participant in our programs. Unfortunately, those days are long gone. This new regime is taking the agency in a new direction; one I’m not sure I support. We’ve become so focused on administrative and evaluatory processes that the content and quality of the programs we offer has taken a back seat. In the past, we have been primarily a recreational agency but including education and creative arts programs. Now we seem to be moving towards becoming an educational agency with a little creative arts and recreational activities included for seasoning. I don’t like this shift. We’re doing it more because that what funders want than because of any fundamental belief in academic programs. This just disappoints me.

So what I need to consider is what would help me reconnect with activities that I loved as a child and made that made me happy. I’ve been doing this for a few years in one respect – my doll collecting. I am a complete and total addict for Barbies and Fashion Royalty dolls. I love re-dressing them and taking photos of them to share with fellow doll addicts. I love brushing their hair and making up stories about the fabulous lives they lead. I also love coloring in coloring books. The smell of Crayola crayons (they have to be Crayola) can immediately take me back to childhood. I even have several Barbie coloring books and I love creating my own eye, hair and skin color combinations for Barbie. I used to love paint by number kits too. As an adult I really used to enjoy mixing essential oils to create my own perfume blends (well okay I didn’t create the blend but I would often follow the recipe and tweak it to my taste).

I’ve also begun reading The Woman’s Guide to Spiritual Renewal and I have been journaling (well to be honest I’ve been using my COTD essays as a journaling tool). I want to start doing things that will help renew me and rejuvenate my zest for life. I’m feeling a bit buried under detritus right now. So I can take steps to start getting myself out from under. There isn’t a rush, I can take it slow, but I have to start taking it.