Twos symbolize formation, balance, partnership, polarity and the coming together of opposites.  Twos can indicate that the focus can no longer be only on oneself; that there is another factor influencing the situation.  They represent the affirmation and confirmation of new directions that were begun at the Ace level.  Wands are usually associated with the element of fire, inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life".   The Two of Wands can symbolize saying "yes" to a new role, naming that new identity and claiming it for your own.

So once again I drew the 2 of Wands.  I thought I had already learned what I needed to know about the 2 of Wands.  But I should know better when it comes to dealing with the Tarot.  Of course I haven't figured it all out, if I had then why would I need to put that card back in the deck?

I think part of what I dealt with today was balancing my desire to leave this agency with my need to stay for now; balancing my disappointment at changes that aren't really changes with my desire to be a positive force in my life.  I have a co-worker at this agency who actually has quite a lot to offer and is capable and competent but she is so negative and complains so much about everything that it is exhausting to listen to her.  I do not want to end up like that.  No, let me rephrase that - I WILL NOT end up like that.  And if that means it's time for me to move on before I rot on the vine then so be it.

The 2 of Wands showing up again also may be reminding me that I'm still working on this finding balance, affirmation and confirmation.  I am moving towards making changes but I may not be ready to take that final step just yet.  Things are still in the formation stage for me.  These ideas and goals are gestating, percolating and swirling around inside but they may not be ready for prime time just yet.  And that's okay.  I think one of the lessons for me is to accept that I have to take this slow, one step at a time.  And maybe the reappearance of the 2 of Wands means I need to find a partner in this venture.  Maybe not a partner in the sense of another person to go into business with but a partner in the sense of having someone as a support and who I can bounce ideas off.  Maybe the 2 of Wands is a kick in the pants telling me that I shouldn't try to do this alone.  I do have a support network in place and my resistance to imposing on others is a false obstacle that I need to move beyond. 

I've always liked to consider myself as a "rugged individualist" (perhaps one of the most annoying illusions Americans delude themselves with).  But the reality is that, as the saying goes, no one is an island.  I think my friends are mature enough to be able to tell me if they are unable to help me out at any point.  My fear has always been that my requests would be too much for my friends (or in some cases I just didn't want to give them the satisfaction of admitting I needed help).  But the truth is that I think the people I would ask are more than capable of being clear and communicating if I'm asking too much or it's just more then they can do for me.

I am excited that I'm getting excited (does that make sense?).  I feel like a candle that been sputtering in the darkness for so long and now got a breath of air to help it grow brighter and stronger.  I've been plodding along for so long just doing what I was told and not even thinking about whether I enjoyed it or if it was where I wanted to focus my energy.  Now I'm in the early stages of redefining myself and re-discovering what excites me in life.  I've been self-medicating with things long enough.  I figured if I used the money I made to buy "stuff" (i.e. dolls, books, movies, perfume, clothes, etc.) then things would be okay.  But I don't need any more "stuff" (in fact I have no more room for any more "stuff") I need to feel as if I'm accomplishing something, making a difference and right now that just isn't happening.  And quite frankly in my current position, I don't think it will.  And that's okay.  I'm ready to move ahead and find a new path for myself and I'm pretty excited about it.