I am so sad, so horribly, utterly sad.  I have been watching several 9/11 memorial shows and every time I watch them I choke up.  I can still remember that day so clearly.  It was indescribably horrible.  I remember getting ready for a doctor's appointment.  I turned on the television to watch the news and saw the smoke coming from the first tower.  My phone rang.  It was my mother asking me if I had seen the news.  We talked for a few minutes and then I called my husband in Greenwood Lake.  We continued to talk as the plane struck the second tower.  We discussed what could be going on.  At that point I don't think anyone realized that a plane had struck the first tower.  We were still talking, guessing at what the hell was going on, when the second tower fell.  My legs gave out.  We both kept repeating "I can't believe this is happening".  Then I called my office.  As I was on the phone with my supervisor, the second tower fell.  Our office is on 12th street - downtown but really close to the Twin Towers.  I decided to go into the office.  I'm still not sure why but I know one reason was that I needed to be with people I knew.  I was home alone.  So I started the trek to my office. 

I was able to get a bus to 42nd Street and Fifth Avenue and decided to walk from there.  When I hit 34th Street I started to see people who had obviously been downtown.  They were covered in light gray ash and had shocked, horrified expressions on their faces.  They seemed lost, confused as though they had no idea how they got this far.  I remember an eerie, disquieting silence.  It was as though everything in NYC was muffled.  As I got closer to 14th Street I saw more and more people who were coming from downtown.  Others were standing around seeming confused and unsure what to do. 

When I hit 14th Street there were police barricades up and no traffic was permitted below that point.  I had to show ID to pass the checkpoint.  When I reached our office things were quiet - all the police has been called to duty down at the WTC.  When I got upstairs it was just in time to go to lunch.  Several of us went to a nearby bar and got something to eat.  Everyone there was glued to the news on the television, watching events unfold at the Twin Towers.  All cell phones were useless and any electronics (such as credit card machines and ATM) were down.  Subway service was stopped and MTA buses were re-routed or not running beyond a certain point.  When I got to my office it was just in time to go to lunch with my supervisor and two or three other upper management types.  Naturally all we could talk about was what had happened.

When I did manage to get home that night (the trains were running by then - at least on a modified schedule) all I could do was watch the news.  By then we knew about the Pentagon and the flight was went down in Pennsylvania.  It was a traumatic and tragic day.  Every year I watch the documentaries and memorial programs that abound because I don't ever want to forget that day and the thousands of people who lost their lives.  I actually did know one man who died.  He grew up in my neighborhood and at various times in our lives we had hung out together.  We knew each other but over the years we'd sort of lost touch.  But he was a great guy. When I found out about his death I couldn't believe it.  And so for Billy and all the others, I (like so many others out there) remember.