The Moon - The Moon often symbolizes our unconscious mind and inner self.   It can herald a time of inner transformation, initiation or awareness.  The Moon is connected with the night and dreams.  It is the gateway of the soul representing the tides of emotion and consciousness.  It is the primal source of intuition and initiation.  The Moon is the 18th Trump card of the Major Arcana.  18 reduces down to 9 (1+8=9) which is a mathematically magical number - its square root is three and the sum of any number multiplied by nine equals nine when added together (e.g.. 9 x 8 = 72, 7 + 2 = 9).  The Moon is often a card of intuition, mystery, magick and inner consciousness.  It symbolizes a need for introspection; listening to the voice within but doing with a wary approach so that you are truly heeding your inner wisdom and not following false desires or illusions. 

Oddly enough, I took a nap today (oh hell, who am I kidding I conked out as soon as we hit the Lake) and had some very odd dreams.  What I remember (and I don't tend to remember my dreams) was filled with people with half faces (well they had a full face but only one eye and their mouths were distorted) and wicked looking rats.  It freaked me out.  And when I saw The Moon card the first thing that struck me was that the two were connected.  That my unconscious is trying to tell me something and it has to use very shocking imagery because I'm ignoring it.

But seeing The Moon makes me consider the larger picture of intuition and the unconscious in general (well for me anyway).  I've often said, rather glibly I might add, that I sometimes feel like I'm a psychic void or null.  I really do believe this.  My sister and mother have fairly decent intuitive/psychic abilities, but both are also much more comfortable with a traditionally "feminine" approach to life than I have ever been.  Both of them have children and enjoy being mothers.  The mere thought of motherhood sends me shrieking from the room in horror.   And yet I think that at one time I was probably more intuitive and psychically attuned then either of them.  I can remember feeling like a raw nerve when I was younger.  Living in NYC can mean that you are bombarded by other's all day - their auras, emotions, energies, etc.  I still have an ability to read people's moods (I'm not always right but I'm fairly accurate).  This is partly the result of being the child of an alcoholic and partly the one outlet I allowed my intuitive skills to have.  I think I began shutting them down as a child because it hurt too damn much.  And it's only after almost 10 years of seriously studying and working with Tarot that I'm reaching that level again.  And I'm still not entirely comfortable with it.

Even as a child I was an Athena - father's daughter.  I was much more solar oriented than lunar.  Being fascinated by Greek mythology as a child I incorporated certain views about being solar oriented - i.e. solar = masculine.  But once I found my home pantheons of Irish and Norse deities I realized that in those cultures the Sun was viewed as feminine.  This opened a whole new world to me.  These goddesses were strong, powerful and fierce - yeah!!  I finally found my inspiration.  But I still had some trouble tuning in to my intuitive nature.  So how ironic that the The Moon, symbol of intuition and the unconscious, should appear for me.

Maybe what I need to consider is what are my dreams?  Sometimes I think I've spent so long just sort of stumbling through life with no real sense of direction, no plan that my dreams are almost non-existent.  Don't get me wrong, I dream of hitting the lottery or having a lot of money, but I also know that isn't necessarily going to make me happy.  I might dream of simple or silly things - like getting a specific Tarot deck, but that's not really a dream.  I think the closest thing to a dream I've ever had is to own my own store - either a holistic health clinic that offers Tarot readings, aromatherapy, Reiki, massage, etc. or a bookstore/tea house.  Right now my biggest dream is to retire and then be able to do whatever I want for the rest of my life.  Right now I can't retire because I need the medical benefits.  And if I leave this job I have to make sure whatever other job I take has medical benefits.  But when my husband retires his medical benefits get locked in by his union.  That's only about 5 or 6 years away.  Then I can take a few chances.  That's my dream for right now.