The number 4 symbolizes earthly reality, basic structure and orientation, and stability - think of the 4 seasons, 4 directions and 4 elements of earth, air, fire and water.  Traditionally this card symbolizes a need to withdraw oneself and recharge your batteries.  Swords represent reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air.  The 4 of Swords can represent acting on what you think; publicly manifesting your philosophy and communicating your point of view.  It can indicate explaining an idea, saying what you think or writing what you've outlined.  Or perhaps you are acting out the lifestyle or schedule that you've envisioned and planned.

How interesting to look at some of the meanings associated with this card in light of today's events.  Work was work.  Today we did our first partial assessment of one of the centers.  It took almost 4 hours to go through about 18 employee files.  We didn't realize how time consuming it can be.  And we have to make sure they are complete or else the Dept of Health will cite us.  It sucks but someone has to do it.  Not very exciting (or what I envisioned myself doing in this position) but at least I felt useful.

I managed to drag myself home and rest.  I was supposed to meet a friend for a Samhain ritual (better late than never) but I was just too exhausted.  So I sat and relaxed with hubby, just chatting and catching up.  I was originally registered for Elizabeth Purvis' merketing meetup for soul-preneurs but I was seriously considering not attending.  I was so tired and dispirited that I just felt out of it.  But at around 5:30 I began reviving a bit.  So I decided to give it a shot.  After all, what did I have to lose.  At a minimum I would get to see Elizabeth and Sasha, which is always fun, and at a maximum I might be able to charge myself up again about establishing a practice as a professional reader.  So off I went.

I was actually the first to arrive.  I'm glad because it gave me some time to check out TRS Professional Suites.  Sasha had mentioned this place as one where you could rent office space for an hour or two at a reasonable rate.  This was the answer to one of my problems - a public location with private space to do readings.  I've never been comfortable with the idea of having people come to my apartment, going to theirs or reading in a diner or bookstore.  So TRS is the solution to that problem.  It's very low-key and informal, a bit disorganized maybe.  But it also has the amenities one might need - hot water for tea, a bathroom and tables and chairs. as well as a reception area.  What more could I ask?

Elizabeth arrived next and we caught up for a few minutes before Sasha arrived, then the three of us chatted.  The final member of the group arrived a few minutes later - a very nice lady and Reiki practitioner whose name escapes me right now.  The session was good - it was a great blend of Elizabeth sharing her techniques and concepts and us sharing our experiences or insights.  While I was listening to Sasha and this other lady discuss trying to establish their own practices I realized that one of the things that handicaps me in a way is that I don't have to be successful from a financial perspective.  I have a full time job.  So I always know that if this doesn't work out I'm not going to lose my home or anything.  Maybe that impetus would make me more aggressive about this whole thing.  Or maybe I'm still in an incubation phase and just haven't broken out of my cocoon yet.  I'm still gathering some information and acquiring knowledge and skills but I can feel the change.  I just have a sense that I'm getting closer and closer to breaking free; escaping from my self-imposed boundaries and fears and just doing it.  It might take a bit longer but I'm getting much closer.  And that excites me.  I really do want to act out the lifestyle I have envisioned for myself.  I want to be a Tarot reader and counselor.  I want to provide those services to people who will benefit from them.

I want to do these things and I will.  That is an affirmation I am setting for myself, a schedule I am envisioning and planning.  I will be a professional Tarot reader and counselor and I will begin soon.