Aces symbolize beginnings, the start of something new and the seed of new growth, feeling something new, maybe something you haven't felt before.  It might be a new emotion, a new relationship or a new awareness about an existing relationship.  The seed of love, anger, jealousy or another emotion has been planted.  Cups are associated with the element of water, with emotions, love, pleasure in life, matters pertaining to the unconscious, intuition and inner planes.   They represent the growth and awareness of the unconscious, emotional interactions and relationships with others.  Cups can also connect us with psychic activity and the Universe on an unconscious level.  The Ace of Cups traditionally refers to a new emotional connection, new insight about a relationship or new growth in an area that brings pleasure to your life. 

Something about the Healing Tarot Ace of Cups reminds me of a glass chalice being carved from ice; bringing a new emotional beginning out of the frigid wasteland that has been keeping me frozen in stasis.  The golden chalice on the Secret card seems to be floating above the lily pads resting on the water with bubbles floating around it.  It has risen above the water and lily pads and freed itself, rising up with the possibilities and potential inherent in a new beginning.  I think what this card is symbolizing for me right now is a new emotional connection to myself.  I am breaking free from the rigid and frozen world in which I sometimes encase myself as a form of self-defense.  But by keeping myself aloof or protected like Sleeping Beauty, I also miss out on the joys and support that emotional connections bring.  If I can't offer the cup of friendship to someone then why should I expect them to offer it to me. 

I think I am basically a generous person by nature but life and experience has taught me to be extremely cautious about who I offer my generosity to.  There are a lot of folks out there who would take advantage but there are probably just as many who would appreciate the gesture.  And I don't like being stingy.  Frugal is one thing but stingy is something else.  I don't like paying more for anything than I feel it is worth, but I also don't begrudge a craftsperson the ability to get fair value for their work.  I know that sometimes the people who panhandle or beg on NYC subways are really in need of help.  And there are just as many who are looking for a handout for alcohol or drugs.  I can't always tell the difference but maybe the point is that it's better to give more often and if it benefits those who don't truly deserve it, well that's that how things go sometimes. 

I think I need to reconnect with those things that truly bring me joy and make me feel good about myself and my life - friends, loved ones and my interests.  I don't need to focus on getting more things but on enjoying those I have.  I own so many books that I could start a library but I am realizing that I haven't real a vast number of them.  I don't want to own things simply so I can say "I have that".  I want to own them to enjoy them, to play with them and to appreciate them because they enrich my life.  And I want to feel that I in turn can enrich the lives of others whose paths I cross.  If I can do that then I'll feel I've contributed something wonderful to the world.  I will, of course, do it in my own inimitable style, but I can do it.