"This is a more internalized flow.  You're not locked into one self-image.  You can see yourself in a variety of ways without losing a sense of integration or unity.  You're experiencing yourself as a person who's flexible and growing." - Gail Fairfield

"Unheeded warnings.  Hardships and quarrels.  Confusion.  Being caught off guard.  Difficulty adapting to changing circumstances.  Avoidable losses." - Anne-Marie Ferguson.

The number nine is the number of the wisdom of the Moon.  It is also a mathematically magical number - its square root is three and the sum of any number multiplied by nine equals nine when added together (e.g.. 9 x 8 = 72, 7 + 2 = 9).  Nines can represent struggle, attainment, and having the end in sight.  Wands are associated with inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life", and the element of fire.  This card often represents having gone through a difficult struggle or battle.  

I think the key here is that I'm struggling with myself, with re-igniting my spark.  As I start to fully embrace and integrate the different parts of myself, I'm also realizing that the resulting multi-faceted person does not want to continue just going through the motions.  I've fought long and hard to get where I am and be who I am.  On some levels I'm still struggling because each day there is a new challenge to face or a new obstacle to overcome.  But I'd rather fight the good fight than just walk through life in a fugue state.  What's point?  And I guess that's the message of the reversed 9 of Wands.

The more accepting I am of myself, the more accepting I can be of others.  I have always had a tendency to be judgmental and something of a hard-liner.  I think that's because I was always afraid that if I unleashed my wild side it would take over and Id lose myself.  But as I mature and gain wisdom and experience I realize that won't happen.  I can control that wild side.  I am flexible enough to be a professional businesswomen in one setting and a hot, wild dancer the next.  I might chose to be cautious about not sharing the wild dancer side with those who only know me in a business capacity but that doesn't mean I should deny this side.  At the same time I shouldn't be too quick to try to bury one side because of political correctness.  

I really dislike being told what I should and shouldn't do.  But at the same time I'd be the first to admit that I have some difficulties dealing with change.  I prefer to maintain the status quo even while I acknowledge that if things always  stayed the same we'd all stagnate.  I love trying new things and gaining new experiences.  I have always enjoyed seeking knowledge and learning.  But I'm the first to admit that sometimes I get real tired and worn out by it all.  Sometimes I think I try to take on too much at one time and I burn out.  That's what this card has sometimes reminded me of - a case of ultimate burn-out.  

The main factor for me is a sense of genuineness.  When people screw up or make bad decisions I can understand that, it's human nature.  But when people screw up and deny it or try to trick me with false promises and hidden agendas then I get pissed.  And I think that's another element that I'm tired of - the hidden agendas.  My agency is rife with folks who have hidden agendas and try to use my well known outspokenness to their own advantage.  I don't mind putting my foot in my mouth when it's my opinions I'm expressing.  But I refuse to put myself on the line to help move someone else's agenda forward, especially when they don't share what that agenda is.

So maybe that's the path I need to walk right now - one that allows me to embrace and integrate the various parts of myself while trying to avoid burning out.  I do have difficulty adapting to certain circumstances but that doesn't mean I can't.