The Fool represents a sense of innocence and joy, a time in life when everything seems new and we have not preconceived notions to weigh us down. The Fool is like an innocent child just starting out on life's journey - a clean slate in search of new experiences. The Fool trusts in life and is unaware of limitations or restrictions. The Fool is a Major Arcana card but its number is 0. The Fool is often seen as symbolizing the Fool's journey or our soul's journey through life.  The Fool is all about trust and being willing to start anew and take a leap of faith. 

As soon as I saw this card all I could think of was The Beatles' song The Fool on the Hill.  I've loved that song since I was a kid and it has always stayed with me.  It seemed so profound somehow - "day after day, alone on a hill, the man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still".  In the song The Fool sees everything and realizes that others don't want to hear what he has to say.  He might actually know quite a lot but because we don't value what he does we are unable to value his knowledge.

I feel very Foolish right now.  I'm like The Fool shouting into the wilderness.  No one hears and no one really wants to know.  Of course I don't necessarily think I possess the wisdom of the ages but I do have something to offer.  And maybe the best way for me to deal with it is to be like The Fool on the Hill - just sit there and let them ignore me.  I know that they are truly the fools.

I think I also need to connect with the more innocent, childlike aspects of the fool.  I recently read To Kill a Mockingbird and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.  What struck me about the two narrators is that they still possess that child-like perspective on the world.  They don't understand why people say one thing but do another.  They don't understand the sneaky politics of adulthood.  It made me mourn for when I used to say "but that doesn't make sense" when challenging some ridiculous adult behavior.  I have now become a member of the adult club and have bought into its rules and behaviors too much to ever truly change them.  And that makes me so sad.

I love the blackness that surrounds the Foolish images on Cameo Victor's Self-Guided Tarot.  It speaks to me of being truly yourself - there are no distractions from the outside turning your attentions in another direction.  The card asks the question "Am I fearful that my authentic self looks foolish?"  I cannot answer that question because I don't think I have any clue who my authentic self is anymore.  I feel as though I have been complicit in a conspiracy to keep me from finding my authentic self.  The need for practical considerations - a paycheck, medical coverage, etc., have turned me away from the path to my authentic self.  I don't think it's a permanent detour but if I don't focus on it and change the situation then it may become permanent.

Maybe my focus for the month of February will be to reconnect with my authentic self.  To become an archeologist in my own life and sift through the layers that have covered up those childish hopes and dreams.  I know they are still there.  If I am careful and patient I will be able to brush away these layers of dirt and dust and let that authentic self shine through again.

My authentic self
Covered by dust over time
Embraced once again