The Magician is the 1st Trump in the Major Arcana representing yang energy and the masculine power. The Magician is also represented by the planet Mercury - ruling communication, wisdom, will, and action in all forms and phases. The Magician is often symbolic of having strength of will to create your own life; to make the magic real for you. This card symbolizes the ability to communicate and control your environment, to focus your energy and concentrate. The Magician is about making your will into reality, manifesting your hopes and dreams into your life. 

I drew this card reversed and at first I was trying to apply it to my own life.  Of course there are the traditional meanings of creating your own reality and controlling your environment.  The fact is that I realize there are certain things over which I might have no control.  In the economic climate going on today there is always the possibility that I might lose my job even if I haven't done anything to deserve it.  And that is just reality.  I'm not getting down about it, just sort of learning to accept certain things.

Then tonight I watched a 20/20 episode that focused on families in the Appalachian region of Kentucky.  These people live in severe poverty and have very limited options.  Apparently there is a predilection for Mountain Dew which is also causing many of them to lose teeth and addiction to prescription pain killers is rampant.  The story focused on some of the children in this community.  The lack of hope on their faces was heart-breaking.  They just don't see that they have any options about their future.  One young man who actually made it to college on a football scholarship ended up dropping out after 8 weeks because he was overwhelmed.

It made me think about how glib we can sometimes be with phrases like "take control of your life".  I know that people usually mean well and are trying to empower others  The reality is that if you've felt powerless for most of your life then it's kind of hard to expect that you will wake up one day and feel in control of anything.  Even though the reality is that we always have some kind of control over things in our lives, if we don't believe that then no matter what anyone else tells us we don't believe it.  And that is the sense I get when I watch shows about family living in abject poverty or any other situation where they have spent a majority of their lives being downtrodden.

I didn't realize how much this applied to my own life until I starting considering others who feel disempowered.  I have often felt that anything positive that happened in my life was a fluke and undeserved rather than the positive result of any action of mine.  When things come easy to me I don't really value them.  It's the things I have struggled the hardest to achieve that I value and think are worthwhile.  Even in school I don't really put a lot of effort into it and I manage to get As and Bs.  These grades are appreciated and I'm happy to have them but they don't mean much to me because I didn't have to try very hard.  It's as though I don't think I deserve success. 

Volumes have been written on fear of success and other pop psychology drivel.  I suppose I could claim that's my problem but I hate using excuses for anything.  I realize just how often I undermine myself and I take responsibility for it.  What I'd like to try to figure out is how to change it.  And I suppose the first step is to take that particular bull by the horns.  Once I accept that I can control more elements of my life I can take up my wand and wave it and magically create the life I want.  It won't happen instantly and will take a lot of hard work but if I'm up to the task then I can achieve whatever I set my mind to - after all the honest truth is that I always have.