The number 4 symbolizes earthly reality, basic structure and orientation, and stability - think of the 4 seasons, 4 directions and 4 elements of earth, air, fire and water.  Traditionally this card symbolizes a need to withdraw oneself and recharge your batteries.  Swords represent reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air.  The 4 of Swords reversed can represent privately manifesting your philosophy; taking quiet action based on your attitudes, opinions, and beliefs; having internal conversations with parts of yourself.  The communication happening is not public.

So now I'm going backwards.  The other day I drew the 5 of Swords and today it's the 4.  Actually I think this card refers to the fact that I need to take it a little easy, relax and rest up.  I've been fighting a bitch of a head cold and should probably have stayed home today but that wasn't meant to be.  I do need to recharge.  More than any sort of mental stress, I'm just feeling rather beat up physically.  And unfortunately I have passed along this wondrous cold to my poor hubby.  And believe me, a sick hubby is the last thing I need. 

I love the image on the Fantastic Menagerie card - two lizards sunning themselves on the rocks.  The remind me of my and my hubby when we stay home together.  It seems like all we want to do is sleep and relax.  We've both become rather sluggish.  We just sort of laze around like those two lizards, talking about days gone by and concerns.

Like the lizards on this card, we look at the battlements before and talk of our days of glory.  We also worry about the future.  The two of us realize that things are looking rather bleak right now.  Even if one or both of us manage to stay employed, family responsibilities will keep us busy for some time.  We have had serious conversations about how to handle dealing with his brother in the event his mom passes away first.  I don't even like to consider the issue but the reality is that it's likely to happen.  And I don't think either of us could face putting his brother in some type of institution.  That means he'd have to live with us.  It would mean a drastic change in lifestyle.

I think we use our downtime to be slugs because we need that time to retreat from these types of realities and try to de-stress.  It can easily become overwhelming and burn us both out.  I might actually envy those two lizards.  Sometimes I feel like my brain is short-circuiting.  I'm forgetting things, not checking up on things and just generally screwing up.  I'm not happy about it but I can't seem to stop it.  Maybe it really is stress related.  I think I need to take a little time each day just to ground and center.  Maybe a short little meditation might help me keep myself sane.  It's something to think about.