The Knight of Pentacles can represent a focus that is too narrow; the need to develop greater breadth of vision; experimenting with imaginative problem-solving techniques; lethargy, lack of discipline; inability to make plans, limited vision; irresponsibility, especially when it comes to carrying out assignments.  Knights symbolize protection, strength, ambition and questing.  Pentacles are associated with the material world, acquisitions of wealth and possessions, our connection to Earth and Nature, sensation, matters pertaining to the physical plane and the element of earth. Pentacles can also be connected with practicality, groundedness and being realistic. 

Well, today was a weird day.  It started out well enough.  I had a meeting at DYCD, well actually more of a focus group, to help in the creation of core competencies for supervisors in child care.  It was a productive and fun meeting.  Then I met Sasha for lunch.  We went to a restaurant or bistro over by her.  The food was okay. I tried a chicken and waffles dish.  It was tasty but it reminded to to always ask whether the chicken is white or dark meat.  This dish was dark meat and I don't really like dark meat.  The waffle tasted a bit off to me too.  Then again I make no claims to having the most sophisticated palate in the world.  It was great to see Sasha and catch up with her.

I got back to the office and was almost immediately called into Felix's office.  He and Don were there waiting for me.  At first I thought it was about the Flo Mauri workshop, then I saw the look on Don's face.  As soon as Felix started talking about the financial condition of the agency I had a sense of where this was going.  About 5 minutes later I was no longer an employee of the Police Athletic League.  15 years of my life came to an end in about 2 minutes.  I think I handled it well (at least I hope I did).  I didn't break down or become hostile or argumentative.  I was teary but I think I held onto my composure.  Don was very upset and kept reassuring me that he tried everything he could to save my job.  The bottom line is that it really doesn't matter.  I'm not even mad at Felix.  I know that this wasn't a personal thing against me.  He had to make some tough decisions and my position is just not essential.  I may be angry with some of his management decisions and the direction he's taking the agency, but I honestly can't hold this against him. 

In some ways it's like a relief and a release.  I've known for a long time that PAL was no longer the best place for me.  I was hanging in there out of sheer stubbornness.  I was no longer growing or learning, just maintaining.  If I'm not expanding my skills and exploring new territory then what's the point.  I've been stagnant for two long.  PAL has been a part of my life since I was 6 years old and it's going to be hard to let it go and put it behind me, but I know I can.  I also know that, although this is hard right now, things will get better.  I am setting an affirmation for myself - I will find a better job.  One that suits my skills, my interests and my needs; one that will allow me to gain new experiences and new skills as well as pay me what I need.  Right now the tower has fallen and I'm in shock, but soon I'll find that star in the sky and follow it back into the sunlight.

Looking at the reversed Knight of Pentacles I think it's reinforcing some of these sentiments.  The Knight of Pentacles may move slowly and deliberately but he does move.  I've been resisting the need to move forward; to progress to a new phase and a new level.  My brain, my rational mind knew it was necessary but my heart just couldn't let go.  So now that decision has been taken out of my hands.  I do regret that I didn't leave on my own terms, but then again at least this way I qualify for unemployment and can take a bit of time off before making any plans and decisions.  I am confident that things will be okay, but it will still take a bit of time to heal.