Wands are associated with the element of fire as well as with inspiration, energy, intuition and creative imagination.  This suit often reveals something you "need to light a fire under".  The number 5 represents that added something that brings the situation out of balance again.  It represents the struggle and challenge of inner and outer growth.  This card can represent inspired chaos and freeing your expression and energy.  Challenging yourself to adapt and change; pushing yourself to adjust your self-image until it feels more positive or appropriate.  You might be experiencing self-doubt.  Whatever the worlds sees, you know you are changing yourself.

Hmm, the second time this month I drew this card.  I don't think it is referring to the same situation this time as that appears to have resolved itself.  So what else am I struggling against?  I think it might be connecting with a touch of self-doubt and struggle with a cycle of growth.  Growing pains is a term that we often apply so thoughtlessly that we forget how appropriate it is.  There is a pain in growing.  We are moving beyond our current boundaries and current reality.  There is a certain amount of comfort in the restrictions we place on ourselves.  Knowing what the boundaries in life are provides a certain amount of security and stability.  I think it's the reason some people are so drawn to orthodox religious practices - they tend to have a lot of restrictions but at least there is a comfort in the familiarity.  I think humans prefer to know what the rules are because it makes it easier to stay within the boundaries.

Of course then there are those of us who prefer to band our heads against walls.  We need to tear down things that don't make sense and find out own way.  We prefer not to be contained or restricted, even when people claim it's for our own good.  I have been questioning things my entire life.  Even when I knew it would be easier to just keep quiet and maintain the status quo, I couldn't.  I can be as relentless as those eerie white figures on the Fantasy Showcase card.  I pound away at things until I get to the core of the matter; until I unveil the truth, or at least what I believe is the truth.

I guess that's another challenge I need to master - accepting that truth is subjective.  Just because I believe something is true or the right way to do things does not mean it applies to everyone.  I've always acknowledge my preference for black and white morality.  I prefer to know things are right or wrong.  I am not a big fan of situational ethics.  In truth that is not a very realistic approach to things.  That doesn't mean I'm going to change my attitude but it might be helpful if I was able to be a bit more tolerant of others.  I can't expect others to adhere to my moral code. 

Perhaps that's the struggle for me - to stop pounding others into the ground because they can't meet my personal standards.  Maybe I need to stop jostling with people and just accept them for who they are.  And if it turns out that I cannot maintain a relationship with who they really are - well that's okay too.  Just as I don't need to expect them to live up to my standards, they shouldn't expect me to accept theirs.  Tolerance is all well and good - in moderation.