"You're daring to commit to some beliefs and attitudes that involve growth and risk.  You are mentally pushing your philosophy to its ultimately conclusions.  You are willing to take the risk of losing the comfort of previous beliefs for the sake of establishing more meaningful values.  You may also be daring to communicate with your inner voices in a new way." - Gail Fairfield

Pages symbolize messengers, youth, innocence, opportunities for change, new possibilities, new growth, new experiences, acquisition of knowledge and expression of new emotions, risk-taking, grace, and art. Swords are associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air. This card is a messenger of new ideas and communications. 

It's interesting, today is exactly one month from the date I was "downsized".   Somehow it seems that should mean more to me.  The further away from PAL I get, the less I worry about it or feel any connection to it.  I know some people who have left the agency and still think/speak about it daily.  I don't.  I'm a little surprised by that.  Maybe like the Page of Swords I've decided that it's time to set off in a new direction and cut away any thoughts, concepts of stale mindset that no longer help me in this goal.

Looking at the images, the first thing that strikes me is that the Brother of Swords in the Grail Tarot has his eyes closed.  He is actually a bit androgynous looking and could easily be a female in knight's armor.  His/her sword is upraised and her white horse is rearing up as if ready to charge ahead into whatever adventure awaits.  This card represents the impetuousness of youth.  Even thought the youth has taken the time to learn certain lessons (he's obviously at least had some knightly training if he's part of the order of the Templars).  However even with this preparation he is still young and has much to learn.  His energy will carry him far but the lessons learned along the way will probably knock some of the arrogance out of him leaving him stronger, wiser and more experienced.

This certainly describes my path in life.  I remember being exactly as I just described this page when I graduated from college with a MA in psychology.  I could not understand why I wasn't snapped up right away.  I was smart - my college degree proved it.  I could do anything and learn anything.  It never occurred to me that there is a reason for the expression "putting in your time".  Luckily I managed to find people who wanted to mentor me and gently knocked some of that arrogance out of me.  I have learned the value of experience and gained a lot of wisdom in the school of hard knocks.  In fact I now look at those 20-somethings and shake my head in sympathy - been there, done that.

The Page of Swords from the CT Patchwork Tarot is a vibrant, colorful image full of swirling blues and greens.  The figure of the page is done in swirls of red, purple and orange.  It holds a sword over its head and appears to be swimming or flying through the colorful aqua & green swirls.  Two butterflies flitter in the air nearby.  There is a sense of energy and power in the image of the figure but it is tempered by the calm, gentleness of the swirling aqua and green streams.  The butterflies also add a touch of airiness and delicacy to it.  Even though the figure has the potential to be impulsive and charge ahead heedlessly, his is surrounded by energies that will help temper this trait.

Again, I get a sense of impetuous youth starting off on the path to learning self-control and expanding her knowledge and ability to communicate and interact with others.  A professor once said that the goal of college was to change us from people full of positive surety to being full of thoughtful uncertainty (or something like that).  The Page of Swords is a youth just starting along this path.  Her head is full of education and the certainty that she knows more than many of her supervisors and teachers.  Along the way she realizes that wisdom and experience have their own value and the education and learning can only take you so far.

What's especially interesting for me is that on some level I still fear that I am this arrogant youth - full of book learning and not much else.  What value do I bring to the table?  What skills can I offer to others (future employers, friends, co-workers, etc.).  However as I consider it more and more, I realize that I have long left that person behind.  She's still there sometimes and I don't downplay the fact that her confidence is often what pulled me through some rough patches.  Now I also have some real experience and seasoning to enhance that learning.