The number 10 indicates that something is over but not finished and about to begin again - completion and perfection. The suit of Swords is associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind, communication and the element of air.  The 10 of Swords can be something of a harsh card, an experience which may help us move forward but leaves scars. 

The Universal Fantasy 10 of Swords shows a huge winged creature (perhaps a dragon) lying before a gate.  Blood streams forth from this body.  In the forefront of the card is a much smaller figure holding a sword.  This must be the warrior who slew the dragon guarding that gate.

The Ma'at 10 of Swords shows a nude figure pierced by swords and stretched out on the floor before an altar.  A stream of blood mars the altar's white finish.  The room appears cavernous and dark except for three windows cut high on the walls.  A statue of a Roman figure stands on the ride side of the room.  Opposite the blood-stained altar is a carving of a man, woman and child dressed in Greek or Roman garb.  Is the figure a sacrifice or a murder victim?  There is a lonely and desolate feel to this image.  As if this person was offered to gods who are no longer there to hear.

So what is this energy?  Is it about being the sacrificial victim to a cause that no longer exists?  Am I sacrificing my energy, my happiness and my future for a useless goal?  Am I letting the my own mindset and perceptions creating a situation that I cannot move beyond?  Maybe I'm the one who left that figure in the temple on the Ma'at 10 of Swords.  Maybe I'm sacrificing my intelligence on the altar of wishful thinking.  Maybe I need to slay the dragon of my own fears and worries and wishes and realize that sense is the best way to proceed. 

I'm tying this in to the current situation with the in-laws.  We weren't able to see the truth of the situation because we were wearing rose-colored glasses; clinging to our hopes.  We kept trying to convince ourselves that the in-laws were just fine and things could stay the way they were.  The reality is that things aren't fine.  They definitely need support services and we're the ones who will need to start that machine up.  We will need to deal with the gatekeepers at various social service agencies in order to find that help for them.  It might very well become like the kind of quest portrayed in the Universal Fantasy 10 of Swords.  It may prove to be a long and complex process but if we don't do it now things will only get worse.  It might be frustrating and it might be confusing and aggravating but if we stick to it, we will be better for all of us.

On another level I feel rather crappy today.  My stomach is bothering me (a touch of acid reflux or something like it) and I've been feeling very down.  I think it's a delayed reaction to the anniversary of my brother's murder.  Every year I always remember the date in the days leading up to it but one the actual day I just don't focus on it.  It's as though it's too painful to remember.  Then I have a delayed reaction and feel sad and down for a day or so.  It's never going to be okay but I really do prefer to remember his silly, funny, loving side rather than the tragic pain of his loss.  I'm getting teary as I write this.  It's like a wound that scabs over but once a year that scab gets ripped off and I realize it hasn't actually healed.  I guess no one actually gets over something like this when it happens.  I don't think I'm special in this regard.  It's just that my issues and emotions are the only ones I feel truly qualified to address.

On a positive and happier note, I'm really loving the new BPAL scents I received.  I can't decided which ones to try first.  And I've found a few new scents that I'd like to order while testing the frimps.  I ordered Sed Non Satiata, Lawn Gnome, Litha 2009, Snake Oil and several Carnival Diabolique scents - 4 of Faiza's companions (Australian Copperhead, Boomslang, Coral Snake, and Saw Tooth Viper) and 3 ladies from the Grindhouse (Clemence, Dionysia and Marianne).  It's so hard to figure out which one to try first.  I'm like a kid in a candy store.