The number nine is the number of the wisdom of the Moon.  It is also a mathematically magical number - its square root is three and the sum of any number multiplied by nine equals nine when added together (e.g.. 9 x 8 = 72, 7 + 2 = 9).  Nines also represent attainment, integration, completion and bringing things to an end.  Nines are about the natural flow of things and things proceeding smoothly.  Swords represent the growth of the conscious mind; developing our thoughts, ideas and system of beliefs.  Swords are about acting on our philosophy of life.  The suit of Swords is associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind, communication and the element of air. 

On the Universal Fantasy 9 of Swords shows a figure in a stone room, huddled in upon herself in a corner on her bed.  Her hands are spread out on the wall as though fending off the shadow that hovers over her.  Her hair and arm covers her face as though that will help stave off this nightmare. The shadow that frightens her looks like a large figure holding a sword with 8 additional swords behind his back.

The Ma'at 9 of Swords shows a woman awoken in her bed by a ghostly lover holding a bouquet of flowers towards her.  On the left side of the image there are 9 swords hovering above her head.  It is unclear whether she is aware of the swords or if she is so seduced or bemused by her ghostly suitor that she is unaware of the danger.  Or perhaps she sees this ghostly suitor as the nightmare.  She may already understand that he is more of a threat to her than the swords hanging in the air above her.

This card is often referred to as the "nightmare card".  It shows mental fears that overwhelm us; self-doubts and inner demons that paralyze us.  I can easily see how this card applies to my right now.  The situation with my in-laws does seem to be a bit of an never-ending nightmare.  A lot of this is due to our fears of what might happen and possible problems - things that haven't actually happened and may never happen.  It is creating a situation that causes us to lose sleep and be lethargic and overwhelmed. 

Today as I was sitting with my mother-in-law she looked at me with tears in her eyes (after an especially frustrating conversation) and said "what's wrong with me?".  It broke my heart and made me realize that this is her nightmare too.  She has moments of lucidity (or may she is always lucid) and realizes that something is wrong.  She is finding it hard to verbalize things.  She forgets words and cannot explain herself clearly.  I don't know if this is due to an organic problem or if it is the result of being alone too much.  The only people she talks to regularly are my hubby and me.  Her grandson does call every week or so but that's really it.  My brother-in-law is deaf and has limited communication skills so that doesn't help either.  It's as if her verbal skills are atrophying from lack of use but her mind knows it's happening and doesn't know how to stop it. 

After we left I sat in the car and cried.  I've been so focused on my version of this nightmare and how it's impacting me and the hubby that I really didn't think about how it's effecting her.  On some level she is very aware of her current state.  I know that is genuinely my worst nightmare - to lose my mental faculties and be aware of it but not able to stop it.  To me, it would be like a state of living death.  If that's what it's like for her then I wish I could do something to change it for her.  I think this card is reminding me that I'm not the only one who has nightmares and I need to be more aware and sympathetic to what she might be going through.