Pages symbolize messengers, youth, innocence, opportunities for change, new possibilities, new growth, new experiences, acquisition of knowledge and expression of new emotions, risk-taking, grace, and art.  Wands represent inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, careers, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life" and the element of fire.  Traditionally the Page of Wands represents the restless spirit and impulsiveness of adolescence.  The Page of Wands can often represent a sense of dissatisfaction and a yearning for change or a new challenge.  Or it can symbolize taking risks with a particular role you have played, exhibiting a part of yourself that has previously been hidden.  Perhaps you have grown dissatisfied with hiding this side of your nature and now you want to let it burst forth and bloom.

The Fradella Page of Staves shows a young hero called Desert Fox dressed in fatigues and standing outside a bunker in a desert.  She hold a short staff in her hand and is calling out to someone.  Her short blonde hair almost seems to match her camouflage costume.  The sky behind her is leaden and gray.  The Page of Wands in the Anna K Tarot shows a young boy dressed in red and light blue standing on a makeshift pedestal and peering over a stone wall.  He holds a staff in his left hand and his right hand grasps the top of the wall as he peeks over to see what awaits outside the wall.

Considering that this is the second time this month I've drawn the Page of Wands reversed, there is obviously something about its message that I'm not hearing.  Of course it could also reflect my attitude towards beginning to search for a job.  I've been deliberately putting it off.  Like the Page in Anna K Tarot, I am safe and secure inside these four walls.  I don't feel limited or restricted in any way, just safe.  Unlike the brave, eager Desert Fox in the Fradella Adventure deck, I am not looking to charge forward in search of adventure and challenges. 

I think I still need some time to recover and refocus.  All that energy and enthusiasm is still there but right now it is focused on internal things like Reiki, yoga, aromatherapy and other things.  I guess I have been neglecting that side of myself for so long now that I'm still playing catch up.  It's almost as if I've been sleep deprived for months and now I sleep for hours and hours at a time to replenish myself.  That's what it is, I'm replenishing myself.  Perhaps my reserves were more burned out than I realized.  I am glad I have the freedom and ability to do this.  Many people are not that lucky.

I also realize that I would not be so relaxed about this if John wasn't home with me.  This has been an opportunity for us to just spend some time together; not "quality time", just time.  We may do nothing more than watch TV and talk but at least we're together.  Over the past few years, between my changing schedule, his changing work schedule and school, we just didn't seem to have much time together just relaxing.  We're making up for lost time in that area too and it's been a pleasant and enjoyable experience.  When I decide to look for another job or find another source of income, I'll do it with energy and enthusiasm.  For now I'm just going to take it easy and enjoy the summer.