Aces symbolize beginnings, the start of something new and the seed of new growth.  Wands are associated with inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life", and the element of fire.  Skill; creation; the beginning of a project, enterprise, idea, or invention.  Enthusiasm; initiative; energy; the joy of life; sexual vigor; conception; a journey  Reversed:  A false or bad start; criticizing or not using one's potential; journey deferred; delays and difficulties; failure of an enterprise.  You sense the potential for creating a new self-image of self-concept.  You can privately name yourself in a new way.

Hmm, the journey deferred and not using one's potential feel right today.  I feel like my light has been doused.  My energy level is non-existent.  Looking at the  brilliant and vibrant colors on the Romanian Dream Ace of Wands I can't help but feel jealous.  I wish my light were shining that brightly right now.  I wish I could fill the sky with my radiance and brilliance.  Then again this has been a recurring problem for me.  I know what I don't want to do - I don't want to go back to working at a job that doesn't satisfy my soul and spirit.  I want a job that allows me to explore and celebrate my creative energies.  I want to be able to use them in a way that will benefit others as well as myself. 

Looking at this card I am reminded of a time when I wanted to blaze a path that others could follow.  I wanted to be a star; someone others could admire.  I don't think I've achieved that.  I have to wonder why.  I don't necessarily think it's because I'm incapable of making that kind of impression on the world.  Looking at my life and the decisions I've made, I have to conclude that it's because I chose a more low profile life.  I like to think that I made some difference in the lives of the children I've served but dancing on a larger stage wasn't in my nature.  On some level I'd rather be a big fish in a small pond. 

Of course that doesn't really explain my current lack of energy and ambition.  My spark is doused right now.  I think that might be due to the current situation  with the in-laws.  I'm feeling so smothered by the responsibilities and worries that I almost can't breath.  I'm trying to escape from this reality in mindless tasks - reading, watching TV and even sleeping.  It's not the healthiest approach to dealing with this situation and I think that's what this card is trying to point out.

The Vikings Ace of Wands shows the head of Mimir - a giant whose wisdom and inspiration was so valued that Odin preserved his head after Mimir's death and sought its advice.  Odin is the smaller figure in the blue cloak speaking up to the head.  When I looked at this card it struck me - I've been seeking advice from everyone and everywhere but the divine.  Perhaps the answer my question can be found by using the Tarot to ask the gods for advice.  I have a very ingrained tendency towards rugged individualism but this situation is one that I do not seem to be able to handle on my own.  Seeking advice from the Universe might make a hell of a lot more sense that continuing to struggling along in confused bafflement.