Wands are associated with the element of fire as well as with inspiration, energy, intuition and creative imagination.  This suit often reveals something you "need to light a fire under".  The number 5 represents that added something that brings the situation out of balance again.  It represents the struggle and challenge of inner and outer growth.  This card can represent inspired chaos and freeing your expression and energy.  Challenging yourself to adapt and change; pushing yourself to adjust your self-image until it feels more positive or appropriate.  You might be experiencing self-doubt.  Whatever the worlds sees, you know you are changing yourself.

Hmm, feeling a bit under attack - that's something I can respond to right now.  Of course I think they key to this lesson is that this struggle is not even close to what the real one will be.  Right now what I'm focused on is getting my behind in gear, pushing myself to actually get some things done.  There is no external pressure here, simply my own desire to get things moving.  And of course that means that I do not give it the sense of urgency or priority it should have.  Why do today what can be put of until tomorrow?  Of course the problem is that when tomorrow actually arrives, the "to do" list is overwhelming. 

I do need to push myself.  Right now there are a few personal challenges I want to complete.  I've been a member of ADF for several years now and still have not completed the DP.  In fact, as I've mentioned several times, my spiritual life has taken a complete nosedive.  It's either tragically ludicrous or ludicrously tragic.  At a time in my life when I most need the support of a spiritual path I have strayed so far from mine that I done even know what it is anymore.  The same thing with my health.  I keep putting things off as though I have forever to fix them.  Not that I plan on dying tomorrow but the reality is that everything I do today will have an impact on what kind of life I am able to lead tomorrow.  If I don't take care of my health now, the complications will only worsen with age.  If I don't reconnect with my spirituality now, it will become more difficult as time goes on.

I seem to be a very "fives" types of person - if things don't involve some type of struggle then I just don't feel as if it was worth it.  It makes me laugh sometimes because I always remember my grandmother's photo box.  It was embossed with a "poem" about the various qualities children born on the various days of the week would possess.  I was born on Saturday and my quality is "Saturday's child works hard for a living".  If that don't fit then nothing does.  And of course the fives fit in with my Soul Card - The Hierophant.  And how appropriate that one of the things I'm struggling so much with right now is a spiritual issue.  Oh darn it, I just feel like I'm a mess right now.

Maybe what the 5 of Wands is trying to tell me is that it's okay to be a mess sometimes, as long as it doesn't become a permanent condition.  I guess I'm a soul weary right now and just feel like I keep getting more body blows.  The best solution I can come up with is to renew my spiritual path allowing me to replenish and rejuvenate my soul.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  As Donna Summer & Barbra Streisand once sang "enough is enough".