The number 8 represents balance, systems, regeneration and structure.  Swords represent reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air.  This card can often suggests that the querent is trapped by her own fears but has the ability to free herself. 

Once again I'm getting that message of being trapped, surrounded and overwhelmed.  And once again I think they key to what the Tarot is trying to tell me is that I possess the ability to get myself out of this fix but I need to focus and use my brain and creativity.  I have to admit that it's so easy to slip into a pattern of just looking at the negative and never seeing the way through it.  I know that deep inside I am truly an optimist but it can be easy to lose sight of that fact when things seem as bleak and overwhelming as they do now.  The sad thing is that other than the situation with my in-laws, life is good.  However that situation is starting to overshadow everything else.

Whenever we get a moment to enjoy ourselves something else happens.  What makes it even more frustrating is that I'm sure my mother-in-law's condition is not permanent or irreversible. Things like poor nutrition and poor blood circulation can create dementia-like behaviors.  Unfortunately I know she's not eating as well as she should.  Smitty tends to eat cookies  and cakes.  She's not getting much protein.  Each week we end up throwing away some of the food we made for her but all the cakes and cookies are gone.  But how do you force a 79 year old woman to eat?  The sad thing is that I know one of the biggest problems is that she's alone.  When we're sitting with her she'll eat what we give her.  She might grumble a bit but as long as we sit with her she eats.  Right now we can make the effort to be there for her at mealtimes but eventually we'll both be back to work and then we're back to square one.  We have to find a home care assistant for them.  Even if the person is there for Edward maybe having someone else in the house will help Smitty too.

My heart just breaks for John.  As trapped as I may feel, it is so much worse for him.  He is a fix-it guy.  He can fix just about anything but not this.  And it's tearing him up inside.  He's basically dealing with it alone and he's so afraid his mother will hate him.  He keeps having nightmares that she'll accuse him of not loving her and act like the priest's mother in The Exorcist ("why you do this to me Dimmy").  I feel like we're both unraveling and I can't find the way to knot the thread anymore.  I don't want to see them end up in a facility but at this point it might almost be a relief for us.  I just don't think it's the best thing for them.

I guess we just have to revise our strategy a bit and see if there are any other resources we haven't tapped yet.  At least we have each other.  I cannot imagine what this is like for children with no one else or for seniors who have no children around to help them out.  Growing older should be this hard and sad.  Enjoying one's golden years my ass - this is a living nightmare for everyone.  It's not like Smitty is oblivious to the fact that she's just not getting things.  And she become so distraught and frightened that it breaks my heart.  I swear if I hear anyone use the term "quality of life" to me I'll knock them out.