The Devil can sometimes represent the shadow side of our personality - that part of ourselves which we know exists but which we prefer not to acknowledge.  Or it may represent something that is keeping us bound and from which we need to break free.  The Devil is the 15th Major Arcana card.  This card is often about facing our shadow side and being willing to release ourselves from our self-imposed bonds.  But I also think it's about tricking ourselves and trapping ourselves as a result of these tricks.

Gail Fairfield:  Your own attitudes, beliefs and assumptions are creating boundaries and structures in your life.  you are establishing certain conditions in your life that limit you from behaving in a particular way.  You are making some personal or internal decisions that automatically rule out some choices and leave others open.

Interesting that this card showed up for me in response to my question.  Looking at the images on the card I am struck by two things - I need to consider what is tempting me and what is chaining me.  These are two different things.  Temptations are vexing creatures whose siren song lures me into behaviors that might not be in my best interest - indulging in too much of something usually.  What chains me are my own fears and doubts.  For example I hoard books as though I fear if I don't have them now I'll never be able to get them again.  I'm afraid that someone will try to take things from me.  I think this is a learned behavior left over from my childhood - we had very little money and often had to move a lot.  The lack of stability made me that much more resistant to any form of change.  This is a mindset I need to release.

Of course the temptations are not so good either.  By allowing them to lead me astray, I am giving them power over me.  How often do I joke that chocolate is calling my name or that I "can't resist" some tempting sweet.  The reality is that I can resist it.  I might not want to but I certainly could.  I have a sweet tooth - I know this.  In fact I have often joked that I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic but I am a food addict.  This is not so far from the truth.  I use food to self-medicate.  I used it to add on pounds so that I could insulate myself from certain things.  I used it to sooth frazzled nerves or add a touch of sweetness into an otherwise bitter or bland day.  Of course in my case this is further complicated by the fact that I have Type II diabetes.  It's as if my body is trying to force me to stop these behaviors because it knows they're not healthy.  Of course I am choosing not to listen.  In doing so I am letting the devil run me.  I am allowing the chains to hold me back.

So then I have to ask what I am afraid will happen if I break free of these chains?  What if I do start to eat healthier and I lose weight?  I don't often think about it but on some level I am afraid of appearing attractive to the opposite sex.  I worry that if men paid attention to me I might be tempted to pursue that attention.  Actually that's not entirely accurate either.  I'm afraid I'll draw that attention at all.  When I was younger I often attracted a lot of male attention and most of it seems to have left psychic scars - from the diner owner who offered me and my sister ice cream cones and then exposed himself to me to the adult male friend of my father's who tried to pick me up when I was 14, that kind of male attention has not been positive for me.  That is the demon that haunts me.  Like Bluebeard's wife, I'm afraid what opening that door will reveal.  Of course now I need to balance it with a healthy dose of self-love and caring about my health.  I don't need to let those fears haunt me and hold me back anymore.  Maybe it's time I broke free of those chains and moved forward.  Who knows what adventures might await.