Twos symbolize formation, polarity and the coming together of opposites. Pentacles are associated with the material world, acquisitions of wealth and possessions, our connection to Earth and Nature, sensation, matters pertaining to the physical plane and the element of earth.  Pentacles can also be connected with practicality, groundedness and being realistic. Affirming and nurturing a new form of financial or material security.  Conserving and maintaining physical resources or physical energy.  Saying "yes" to a new direction for home, career, money, resources or your physical body.

'Recognizing and affirming the need for a new security base; nurturing and confirming a particular direction that would help to establish a different pattern of stability in my life; choosing and affirming a new kind of groundedness or inner stability; rigidity."  Gail Fairfield

Today was a day for being thrown off center.  We went to visit a sick friend.  He is fighting cancer and we knew that he had gotten worse but we couldn't believe how quickly he has deteriorated.  Only three weeks ago he was at our house for a barbecue.  He was weak and frail but still him; still talking.  Today he is in a wheelchair, can barely move and can't hear.  Apparently tumors have developed throughout his entire body.  It was a shocking and strong reminder of just how fragile live really is.  No matter how strong or how tough we think we are, all it takes is a moment and its all gone.

This made me consider the issues I've been juggling with lately.  All of them seem so superficial on some level.  As though I'm just playing at these things and not truly invested in them.  They're distractions not really serious issues.  Maybe the real issue is putting my brain to work figuring out some new source of income that will balance my need to make money with my need to actually like what I do and feel I'm making a difference in the world.  I don't kid myself that I'll create a dramatic change in the world, I'd just like to think I've improved my small corner of it in some way.

Of course what I'm balancing this against is also my desire not to do anything.  The reality is that I refuse to take any job because I need to money.  If worst comes to worst, I'm sure I can figure out a way to make ends meet and live on less income than we have in the past.  It might not be my preference but it is a doable thing.  What's the point of taking a job with a decent salary just so I can spend the money on toys to distract me from how unhappy I am at my job?  That worked for a few years because I could pretend to be unaware of the pattern.  Now that I know it, I can't lie to myself anymore.  One of the problems of having a low tolerance for bullshit is that it includes my own.