The number 4 symbolizes earthly reality, basic structure and orientation, and stability - think of the 4 seasons, 4 directions and 4 elements of earth, air, fire and water.  Pentacles are associated with the material world, acquisitions of wealth and possessions, our connection to Earth and Nature, sensation, matters pertaining to the physical plane and the element of earth.  Pentacles can also be connected with practicality, groundedness and being realistic.  The 4 of Pentacles is often a card of being stable and balanced but also somewhat solitary and reserved.  It can describe a situation where someone is holding on to things, afraid of what will happen if she lets go.  

"You are taking concrete steps towards creating security in the physical world.  You are buying the house, applying for the job, or starting an exercise program.  You are publicly taking physical, measurable action toward accomplishing a project in the "real" world." - Gail Fairfield

Right now I feel as though I'm holding on to a lot of things but not all of them are physical or maybe they are.  I think what I'm hoarding is my self, my physical energy.  I seem to be exhausted a lot lately - sleeping to much and not really accomplishing much when I am awake.  This may be due to a lot of things but I think the primary cause is that I'm feeling physically run down.  I haven't had a chance to re-charge my batteries at all.  None of the usual methods are helping and I don't have the energy to try new ones (quite a nasty catch-22).

Looking at the images on the Revelations 4 of Pentacles and the Full Moon Dreams 4 of Earth I was struck by the idea that perhaps these figures are using their possessions to shield themselves.  They are building a protective wall using their physical possessions to keep others out.  I have never considered this before - that it's not actually greed that drives the figure on this card but fear and a need for self-preservation.  How many times in our lives do we push ourselves to the limits of our physical endurance?  We give to others and keep giving beyond the point of pain.  How often have you heard yourself committing to helping someone with a project or task, even though you haven't had the time or energy to take care of your own needs?  I think that is what the 4 of Pentacles is telling me today.

I am trying to create some security in my life by trying to avoid any additional responsibilities or tasks - even ones that I really need to take on such as searching for a job.  My job has become caring for my mother-in-law, and this is a task for which I am ill-equipped.  It's not that I'm uncaring or unsympathetic, it's that I've exhausted all my reserves and have nothing left to give.  My own health is starting to suffer because I am a stress eater so the more overwhelming things become, the more chocolate and junk I consume.  I realize this is not a beneficial or healthy approach to the problem but right now I'm running on auto-pilot rather than thinking things through.  Obviously this is a situation I need to change.

Perhaps that is what the 4 of Pentacles is telling me - I need to build a wall and protect myself so that I have something in reserve.  I need to take steps to physically re-charge my batteries.  I need to relax and rehabilitate myself.  I also need to encourage my hubby to do the same.  So what relaxes me?  Reading and music are always two resources.  I love putting on a favorite album and dancing around the house.  I have several yoga CDs that might help me become more physically centered.  Now might be a good time to actually start using them.  I also have to stop looking for external validation.  I often base my day on my hubby - when he gets up and what he wants to do.  I need to set my own agenda and get up early enough so that I can take care of my needs before he gets us and I need to help him focus on family issues.  It won't be easy because the forces of inertia have become strong in my life, but if I don't fight against it then nothing will change.