Pages symbolize messengers, youth, innocence, opportunities for change, new possibilities, new growth, new experiences, acquisition of knowledge and expression of new emotions, risk-taking, grace, and art.  Wands represent inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, careers, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life" and the element of fire.  Traditionally the Page of Wands represents the restless spirit and impulsiveness of adolescence.  The Page of Wands can often represent a sense of dissatisfaction and a yearning for change or a new challenge.  Or it can symbolize taking risks with a particular role you have played, exhibiting a part of yourself that has previously been hidden.  Perhaps you have grown dissatisfied with hiding this side of your nature and now you want to let it burst forth and bloom.

"You're taking risks with a particular role you've played.  You may be exhibiting a part of yourself that you've previously hidden.  You're daring to present yourself, publicly, in a way that may feel a bit scary.  You are optimistic that the results will be worth the risk but aware that there are no guarantees." - Gail Fairfield

Oh my goodness - to feel this kind of exuberant joy and energy again.  Looking at this youthful, energetic and enthusiastic figures makes me feel tired and old.  What happened to me?  I've never considered myself old before.  I know I'm getting older and I'm fine with that but I've never felt old.  I feel drained - as though all the life has been sucked out of me.  Where did that spark, that electricity go?  It's not just me - my hubby is experiencing this too.  Things that used to give us joy and bring fun into our lives have become one more thing we have to do.  I need to find the way to reconnect with that youthful energy and electricity.  I need to find new ways to take risks and allow myself to bloom.

The time for playing it safe is over.  I've played it safe for most of my life and it really hasn't done much for me.  Well okay, it kept me employed but even I have to admit I hadn't been excited by working at that organization for a while.  What's so sad to me is that I don't even know what I'm passionate about anymore.  I used to love collecting and playing with my dolls.  Lately they've just become something else that has to be dusted.  I used to be a voracious reader but lately I'm finding my energy and attention span tends to be more suited to short stories than novels.  I don't even experience the same joy in working with the Tarot that I used to feel.  It's not that I don't still love and enjoy it, it's that I can't find the energy to express it.  I feel like Lily Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles - "I'm tired."

So perhaps the Page of Wands is telling me that my lesson today is to find a way to get un-tired or to fight that ennui.  I need to free myself from the lack of energy that is miring me down (the Doldrums as it is called in The Phantom Tollbooth).  I have been obsessed with zombies lately and I"m starting to realize it's because I feel like a zombie.  I'm not feeling and thinking about things, just reacting.  I'm not planning for the future but just staying stuck in the present.  The best way to re-light my fire might be to start taking steps to creating a positive and joyful future for myself and that's not going to happen if I keep getting stuck in neutral.