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What do I need to focus on today? 2 of Wands (Illuminated & Tarot of Trees)

Tarot Broad — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:32:00 GMT

Twos symbolize formation, balance, partnership, polarity and the coming together of opposites. Twos can indicate that the focus can no longer be only on oneself; that there is another factor influencing the situation. They represent the affirmation and confirmation of new directions that were begun at the Ace level. Wands are usually associated with the element of fire, inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life".

"Claiming and validating yourself; saying "yes" to a new role that you've definitely decided to play perhaps after comparing and contrasting it with other possibilities; naming the new identity and claiming it for your own." - Gail Fairfield

Renee: Some opposition has arisen to challenge your plans or actions, and now decisions, modifications, and accommodations have to be made. Set up challenges that can help you set goals, define issues and work out creative compromises. Find a way to achieve a more creative balance in the nature of your work and other activities. The 2 of Wands may be applied to situations where you have to collaborate with people, or where certain types of problems have arisen. This card favors business partnerships. Be flexible enough to receive input from others.

Hmm, how appropriate that I drew this card today. Tomorrow is my interview with the Fund for Public Health in NY. It's a private non-profit affiliated with the NYC Dept of Health (another of Bloomberg's strategies to avoid using government money for pet projects). I don't know how this will go. I'm cautiously optimistic but I think the 2 of Wands is a sign that even if this doesn't pan out it's time to find a new project; a new focus for my energies.

One of the things I love about the Illuminated 2 of Wands is the energy swirling around the wands and the globe held by the main figure in the card. They give a sense of the potential just waiting to be unleashed. On the Tarot of Trees 2 of Wands I am struck by the swirls of energy rolling around the ground beneath the trees. And I love how the trees hover near the shoreline. It's as though the nourishment they draw form the water gives them the energy they need to continue.

Both cards offer a sense of renewed energy and hope. I am able to move ahead and start making plans and putting them into action. It's time to find some partners who can help me work towards achieving my goals. Maybe that's one of the keys to this card - I need to start building a network and tapping into resources I've been ignoring.

What do I need to focus on today?-} Knight of Swords (Radiant WS & Live to Become)

Tarot Broad — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:42:00 GMT

Swords are associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind and survival in the world and the element of air. Knights represent pure energy, focused and active, protection, strength, ambition and questing. This is the warrior knight, the Templar knight, who fought for ideals and beliefs. He is a fierce fighter but is cautious to plan well before he enters battle. He prefers strategy over bloodshed. He represents courage and youthful energy. I see this card as representing you - youthful, energetic, full of confidence but also intelligent and able to communicate well - someone who can slay dragons if necessary.

"Being deeply committed to acting out your philosophical ideals in your daily lifestyle; getting so caught up in your daily routine that everything else recedes in importance; being completely focused on your intellect and using mind and ideas; having a strong desire to express what you think and being intent on communicating those ideas to others." - Gail Fairfield

For some reason last night and this morning I had several intense and vivid dreams that I actually remembered. I often have dreams that I am unable to recall that next day. Sometimes I'll have some type of lingering sense that something odd or strong or whatever occurred but usually I have no clear recollection. Today I had a fairly clear recollection of two of these dreams. I couldn't begin to comment on what they might mean because I didn't really examine them for that. I know I probably should (using Tarot) but my head is just not into it. Of course how appropriate that I drew the Knight of Swords for this task - exploring the inner workings of my own mind. Unfortunately my knight is feeling in need of a break and has decided to get off the horse for a bit. Maybe tomorrow I can give it a try.

I think the ultimate message this card is offering me is that I need to focus a bit more on my mental state and explore what these dreams mean to me because they hold the answers to some issues about which I've been puzzling. Of course the reality is that I cannot think of anything pressing right now but perhaps that is the challenge. It's something that my unconscious knows I need to focus but which my conscious mind is avoiding. Gods know that if there is one thing at which I excel it's avoiding. I can procrastinate or postpone or just plain old avoid taking care of issues until well beyond the point of common sense. It may be a defense mechanism or sheer laziness on my part. Once again - something upon which I should probably reflect a bit more.

Then again the funny thing about the Knight of Swords is that he is not necessarily great at reflection. He does use his intellect to plan his actions but I've never felt that he spends much time reflecting upon them once he is finished - not unless he failed at his tasks. And even then the type of reflection in which he engages is more of a strategy session to avoid such incidences in the future than true reflection.

So maybe the key is that I embody too much of this energy and what I need to do is to channel it in a way that allows more time for introspection and reflection. Granted this is not my usual proclivity but the reality is that if I'm not willing to make changes and really look at my motivations then what is the point of working with Tarot at all. I'm not using it for prognostication (I don't tend to have much success in that path anyway) so there must be a reason I enjoy working with the cards. If I keep ignoring its messages then I'm sure the Tarot will start to give me kicks in the butt. I have noticed that they can be rather impatient with those of us who ignore their messages too often.

What do I most need to know today?-} Ace of Pentacles R (Radiant WS & Live to Become)

Tarot Broad — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 03:36:00 GMT

Aces symbolize beginnings, the start of something new and the seed of new growth. Pentacles are associated with the material world, acquisitions of wealth and possessions, our connection to Earth and Nature, sensation, matters pertaining to the physical plane and the element of earth. Pentacles can also be connected with practicality, groundedness and being realistic.

Ace of Pentacles reversed may indicate being so focused on holding on to what you have that you have failed to recognize the needs of those around you, especially needs for material aid; a false or premature sense of security; extreme competition where financial gain is concerned; blinding ambition; and reluctance to “leave the garden” and make our own way.

"You can potentially create a new form or level of safety and stability in your life. You could experience a new kind of groundedness or centeredness. you may feel the stirrings of a new connection with natural, earthy forces." - Gail Fairfield

Okay, so this is an interesting card in light of what happened yesterday. I got a call in response to a resume I submitted for a job. The recruiter asked me several questions and I think my answers were very good although near the end she was very honest that she felt I was a bit weak in policy analysis - which is a key component of the job. So once we hung up, I did not expect to hear back from her. Then and unexpected even occurred - the phone rang again it was the recruiter. She told me that although she didn't think I would be the best candidate for the policy analyst position, she felt that my experience and training would make me an excellent candidate for a wellness coordinator position with the same agency. I wasn't sure what that would entail but I looked it up online. It sounds very interesting, challenging and like something I could do. So I now have an interview on Tuesday before my class.

I'm a bit nervous - after all one of the key components of the positions involves health and obesity issues. Once they actually see my, my lack of fitness might work against me. Of course I'm hoping I can turn it into a positive - I think if anyone can it's me. I think the Ace of Pentacles reversed is reminding me that physical health and finding a new job might be intimately related - at least in this instance. What I'm very excited about is that this position might allow me to combine several varied interests in way that will both challenge and pay me. This could be a very good thing.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well on Tuesday. I think this is a golden opportunity being offered to me and it's mine to accept or throw away. I have faith that it will go well but at the same time I need to make sure that I do my homework and prepare myself for the interview.

What am I ignoring?-} 7 of Wands R (Illuminated & Tarot of Trees)

Tarot Broad — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:45:00 GMT

The 7 of Wands - triumphantly defending yourself; holding off all attackers; confronting your problems; facing adversity; dealing with challenges. All of these terms can be applied to the 7 of Wands. It is a card of triumph over adversity, or at least being willing to attempt to triumph over adversity. Wands are usually associated with the element of fire, inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life", and action. The number 7 in many cultures is a sacred number (think of the 7 chakras) and is the number of divine and earthly harmony, of fate and transformation. The 7 of Wands often symbolizes standing up for what you believe in and defending your principles.

"You are experiencing who you are on a variety of levels. You recognize that you are not just one self, you are many selves. Now, you are being more flexible with ways that you name yourself. It's stimulating to imagine yourself as a variety of different people. Others may not see your multiple selves but you enjoy them." - Gail Fairfield

"The 7 of Wands is a card about being brave and taking a stand. This card tells you to stand up for what you believe, to be firm in our convictions and viewpoints, and to ready yourself to battle bravely. Refuse to yield and you will come out the victor. Do not rush off foolishly into battle without taking stock to make sure you know exactly what it is you are fighting for." - Dana Driscoll

These does certainly seem right - becoming more aware of and familiar with my various personalities. And I have always felt that I have multiple personalities. I think all people have multiple personalities but many may try to contain theirs or are leery of admitting it. I'm comfortable with that aspect of myself. There is a side to me that appreciates arts and music, enjoys classic literature and Golden Age Hollywood movies. Then there is the side of me that loves zombie movies and novels, finds farts and fart jokes uproarious and loves drinking myself silly. There is the side of me that loves cooking and hosting company and the side of me that prefers to be alone and allowed to vegetate in peace. They are not incompatible and I don't feel the least bit abnormal as a result.

What I have grown to realize is that sometimes the people who may share these various interests may not always blend well. For example my friends who enjoy Tarot reading and other alternative interests may not blend well with my hard-drinking, rowdy neighborhood friends. Of course this works both ways - I might not get along well with my neighborhood friends who have other interests. It's sort of like we're all octagons who can connect with each other on one or maybe two sides but it is unusual and even rare to find someone who matches us on all eight sides.

In fact I think if we met someone that matched us on all eight sides me might feel a bit suffocated or overwhelmed or create that feeling in the other. If we are multi-faceted people then it only stands to reason that it will take multiple people with multiple interests to share those facets. I think that is one of the cautions represented by this card. It is a good idea to have the courage of your convictions and stand up for what you believe in but it is equally important to realize that others will not share all of your viewpoints and have equally valid perspectives of their own. Recognizing that they have equal right to their own convictions and viewpoints and appreciating this fact can help prevent us from engaging in futile and pointless battles. I think that is the kind of self-awareness and inner knowledge represented by this card when it is reversed.

What do I need to focus on today? 7 of Wands (Illuminated & Tarot of Trees)

Tarot Broad — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:15:00 GMT

The 7 of Wands - triumphantly defending yourself; holding off all attackers; confronting your problems; facing adversity; dealing with challenges. All of these terms can be applied to the 7 of Wands. It is a card of triumph over adversity, or at least being willing to attempt to triumph over adversity. Wands are usually associated with the element of fire, inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life", and action. The number 7 in many cultures is a sacred number (think of the 7 chakras) and is the number of divine and earthly harmony, of fate and transformation. The 7 of Wands often symbolizes standing up for what you believe in and defending your principles.

"You were beginning to feel a bit one-dimensional. Now you want to explore some new aspects of yourself. It's time to experiment a little with who you can be, try on some new hats, play around with some new roles that your might adopt. You might explore how your function in a variety of situations or explore the variety of selves that you can be in a single situation. You are discovering the many facets of your personality and expanding your interests." - Gail Fairfield

"The Seven of Wands is a card about being brave and taking a stand. This card tells you to stand up for what you believe, to be firm in our convictions and viewpoints, and and to ready yourself to battle brevity. Refuse to yield and you might come out the victor." - Dana Driscoll

When I was looking at this card it hit me that it has always represented a joyful and energetic battle; someone who enjoys a really good argument with friends. I've often felt that in many ways it describes me. Sometimes a really rollicking and good-natured battle with friends and/or family get my heart pumping. And that can be enjoyable as long as everyone is on board.

What I have come to realize is that if one person is really an outgoing, opinionated, maybe even somewhat loud kind of personality and the other person is more quiet and withdrawn then it becomes less of a good natured battle and more of a bullying situation. I have, unfortunately, engaged in my than my fair share of unintentional bullying situations as a result of my proclivity for being a tad too extroverted and outgoing. I think I'm just having a fun, if loud, good-natured roast with someone of a like mind and eventually I realize that what I've actually done is put someone in a very uncomfortable, awkward position from which they could see no escape. It is often unintentional and unknowing on my part but that doesn't make it any easier for the victim to bear.

This card is serving as a reminder to me that although I embrace this type of approach to life, I need to be a bit more sensitive to the fact that others do not share my boisterous approach to life. To folks like that I come off as a loud-mouth, blustering bully and that is rarely my intent. I shall have to keep this in mind in social situations and try to avoid making more of an ass of myself than is unavoidable.

What do I most need to know today? Hierophant (Illuminated & Tarot of Trees)

Tarot Broad — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 02:02:00 GMT

The Hierophant traditionally represents the connection between humans and the divine, the teacher of hidden knowledge, spiritual beliefs, organized religion, moral growth and development. Here we have a symbol of tradition and moral authority. The Hierophant can be seen as representing formal, organized religious and moral beliefs and attitudes, education and the principle of teaching and learning.

"Positive: You're establishing a relationships with a philosophy that can really lead and direct your life. It's a good idea to go ahead and take responsibility for behaving in accordance with this ethical system. You can assume leadership since you are loyal to your ideals and accountable for your actions.
Upright: You are involved with a group or another person because of your shared philosophy, common goals, or social orientation. You may have a sense of connectedness with a family, lover, church, political group, spiritual group, or whatever. You feel loyalty toward these others and choose to live in accordance with the beliefs that you share with them. You may even have a position of leadership within the group. The group acts as your inspiration, encouraging you to truly live up to your beliefs. It may also act as your judge, letting you know when you're off track." - Gail Fairfield

"The Hierophant is a wise and ancient oak, this one overlooking a druid grove. When I think of the hierophant, I don't think of a pope or pastor, but rather of a druid. An ancient one of wisdom, law, and divine knowledge. His gnarled and wisened trunk has seen many seasons. And like a wise religious leader, this oak is comfortable growing in a forest not just of oaks, but of other types of trees.." - - Dana Driscoll

How appropriate to draw this card today. It is my first day back at school for the semester and it's my final class. Once I have completed this course I will have achieved my Masters in Public Administration. I have embraced the Hierophant (or the Initiate) in my life. How ironic that despite my aversion to him for many years, I have often lived under his influence. Perhaps my dislike of The Hierophant was due to some professional jealousy - I wanted to become him not just follow him.

Looking at the Tarot of Trees Hierophant, I am struck by the sturdiness and solidness of his presence. He has always been and he will always be. He might take slightly different forms or transform over time but his essential energy remains unchanged. On the Illuminated Initiate card I get a sense of swirling magical energy pulsating in the aqua light that surrounds the Hierophant. He is not truly masculine or feminine but a blending of these energies that chooses to manifest itself in a more masculine form. There is a necessary structure and discipline to learning the Hierophant's lessons. It is a more academic, intellectual knowledge rather than an intuitive one.

And as much as I've avoided his influence in the past, I am beginning to appreciate the Hierophant. He may be a stern taskmaster and a bit pedantic on occasion, but he also holds the keys to our past and our future. He is the memory keeper; the one who relates the ancient histories to the young. Although many people may feel that history is pointless, I have long believed that if we truly learn to understand our history then we might actually learn to avoid repeating some of our past mistakes. Of course this has not proven to be the case just yet but I have hope.

Once again I get a strong sense the the Hierophant is trying to tell me that one of my tasks is to help him in his job. I have been getting a sense for some time that my calling in this life (or at least one of my callings) is to teach. I have often felt deeply satisfied by facilitating training workshops for people. When I sense that they "got it", I feel as though I've accomplished quite a task. When I receive positive feedback from participants and realize that in some small way I've expanded their horizons, I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. That is no small thing. And it helps give me a sense of focus in my current job search.

QOTD - What message do you have for me today? 3 of Wands R (Radiant WS & Live to Become)

Tarot Broad — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 03:24:00 GMT

The number 3 symbolizes the generative force, creative power, multiplicity, and forward movement. They are about planning and preparing, putting the details into place before beginning the work. Wands are usually associated with the element of fire, inspiration, energy, passion, feeling, enterprise, ambition, matters pertaining to the "spark of life". They can refer to the growth and awareness of the self. Wands are focused on discovering your true self, apart from others.

"You are seeing yourself in a detailed and complete manner. You are clarifying your self-image and sense of personal direction. You are making plans for becoming the self you privately want to be." - Gail Fairfield

I think what I spent most of today doing is focusing on what I do not want to be. After yet another family party during which I managed to make a complete jackass of myself, I have been castigating myself and reevaluating my behaviors. I have come to realize that no matter how much fun I have drinking or how much I may like the taste of some drinks, the negative repercussions are just not worth it. A few hours of relaxation and conviviality turns into days of self-reproach, especially when I'm not certain exactly what I said or did. This is the last straw. I do not want to be that person who is avoided by everyone at a party because she is a drunken, crushing, annoying bore. Despite the fact that I consider myself a rather bon vivant, charming variation of Auntie Mame, the reality is that I can sometimes become very rude and obnoxious (well that's not limited to occasions when I drink but it certainly doesn't help the situation). The sad fact is that I had no intention of getting stewed but I didn't eat before I had a drink and the sangria was very tasty and went down much to smoothly for my state of mind. I'm sure there are hundreds of reasons why it happened but the bottom line is that I do not want it to happen again.

As a result of this embarrassing fiasco, I have realized that despite a lifetime of good works or good behavior (not that I'm laying claim to either), all it takes is one incident like this to tarnish your reputation. Any of the folks who were lucky enough to witness my moment of complete jackassery will probably remember it long after they have forgotten other situations where I was nice, funny, etc. Why the hell would I want to put myself in that situation again? The reality is that I don't. I'm tired of sobering up and feeling shame (not that it happens all that often but even once a year is too much for me now). I realize that I'm a bit slow sometimes but I think I've finally learned that lesson.

On a more positive note, I have been giving serious consideration to my job search. I realize that I do not want to apply for jobs simply to have a job. I really want to find something that I enjoy doing and look forward to every day. I am tired of just dragging myself into work for a paycheck. So I'm trying to determine what I enjoy and what I am good at doing. The first answers that popped into my head are training and staff development. I actually enjoy facilitating workshops for others. I enjoy teaching training sessions that people actually learn from attending. I also handle crisis situations fairly well. I may rant and grumble and curse to myself (or those in my immediate area who work with me) but I'm pretty good at keeping it together. Despite my occasional lapses into humor, I think I manage to maintain a professional demeanor and keep things moving.

It would also be very easy for me to work for an agency that champions a cause about which I am passionate - child abuse, domestic violence, healthier eating. I would be willing to try any position as long as the salary allowed me enough money to live on. It may not be all about the money, but salary would have to be a consideration.

So the 3 of Wands R was right - today was a day for deciding who I want to be (and what I don't want to be). Despite the agonizing over my misdeeds, I think it has helped me become a bit more focused and driven. Now I just have to hope it drives me someplace I really want to go.

What message do you have for me today? The Hanged Man (Baroque Bohemian Cats & Toscano)

Tarot Broad — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:18:00 GMT

The Hanged Man is the 12th Trump in the Major Arcana. The traditional meaning of this card is self-sacrifice for the greater good, faith in the integrity of one's actions, a period of waiting or transition and finding knowledge within. This card can represent the inner journey, psychism and meditations. It might be suggesting that it might be good to wait for a better time to make a move. Be patient and wait for the right opportunity or energies to manifest. Wait for external circumstances to be right. When the time is right, you'll know and be able to take full advantage of the situation.

"Positive: It's a good idea to wait for a better time in which to make your move. You know what you want to do. Now, just watch for the appropriate opportunity, energy, or situation to manifest. Then you can, and will, take action.
Upright: You're waiting for external circumstances to be right. When the right job, person, house, or situation comes along, you'll take action. You know that you'll recognize the cues and be ready to move as soon as you see them." - Gail Fairfield.

"Cat's Interpretation: Cats are very good at stillness, much more than most humans. A cat who is gazing at nothing can appear sunk in deeply profound thought - although of course it's a matter of opinion whether this is really the case. But it's interesting to note that in some Buddhist faiths the cat is a repository for the soul of someone who has been particularly spiritual in a past life." - BBC companion book

The ability to be still is definitely not one of my strong points. Actually that's a bit of an overstatement. I can be still when I am engaged in something - reading or watching a movie. However I find it very challenging to stay still and do nothing. Meditation is something I have yet to master. Perhaps I'm afraid i"m missing something if I'm still. Or maybe I am so busy distracting myself by doing "things" that I miss the opportunity for gaining insights and inner peace that being still can offer.

Something about the skeleton hanging in the Toscano makes me think that one of the issues I have will stillness is that it bares me to the bone; pares me down to my essence. Perhaps in avoiding stillness I am trying to avoid the truth such an experience would bring. I often joke that I am not very introspective. That is not entirely true. I am often aware on some level just what lessons I might learn by being introspective and sometimes I think i prefer to avoid them. Of course in reality I am simply putting off the inevitable. Whether I choose to face these lessons now or am forced to address them later, they must be learned.

Perhaps I can take a page from the cat's interpretation and learn to be comfortable with that level of stillness. Cats have often seemed to possess much greater knowledge and insight than humans. Maybe if I can learn to emulate their stillness I will be able to emulate their insights. This card also reminds me of an old poem I remember from childhood - "There was an old owl who lived in an oak. The more he saw the less he spoke. The less he spoke the more he heard. Why can't we be like this wise old bird?" I have long appreciated the wisdom in this poem but I have neve been able to actually implement it. Quiet is right up there with stillness in the list of skills I've never mastered. Perhaps it's my tendency to avoid the insights that might be gained in silence. I get the sense that what I am running from and avoiding is facing the truth about myself. I know that I can only keep this up for so long. Eventually it will catch up to me. The longer I avoid it, the more potential for damage to myself occurs. I realize that if I don't' address and embrace the truths that can be learned by stillness and silence, I risk hurting myself with the tricks I use to avoid them both.

What do I most need to know today? The Lovers R (White Cats & Mansions of the Moon)

Tarot Broad — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:14:00 GMT

Traditionally The Lovers, the 6th Major Arcana, represent choices, not only of a romantic nature but also of a life altering nature, and the coming together of opposites, polarities and opposition, the feminine and the masculine. It represents the principle of relatedness and choice. The Lovers is often seen to represent choices and paths we take in life. It can also symbolize romantic partnership and alliances.

The Lovers often represent making a decision between choices, selecting a path and committing to it, and the connection between the divine and the human. The choices reflected in The Lovers are not easy choices, they are matters of life-long impact. Once we start down that path, it will difficult to change course. It's not as easy as just backtracking.

"Reversed: One part of you is cooperating with another part of you. You may hold some beliefs and attitudes that don't always work smoothly together. Here, you are finding a way to bring them together and have them support each other - you may realize that you can be both fat and beautiful.
Negative: Two of more incompatible elements or individuals are coming together. You may be trying to forcefully create and impossible relationship between factors or people whose goals and interests do not mesh. They really can't be expected to cooperate with each other." - Gail Fairfield

MotM LWB - Adam, Eve, the Serpent, Lilith in the foreground with wild beast & the screech owl. The Book of Ezekiel, screeching is ancient Hebrew for the word Lilith.

"A Cat's Interpretation: Few cats forma c lose relationship with their mates, although it does happen from time to time. But mostly any "romantic" encounter is a brief one, and the real passion and commitment is reserved for those they live with - whether cats or people. Even then, it's debatable how much faithfulness most cats show. Of course they can be genuinely affectionate, but it's just that to many a cat, there seems no point in making choices when it comes to love and fondness - they find no problem in bestowing it equally on several households." - Baroque Bohemian Cats companion book

The MotM Lovers shows two naked figures, one male and one female, standing near a tree in the middle of a garden. Wound around the trunk of the tree is a creature with a human torso and a serpent tale. The creature is offering something to the couple. The woman, reclining on the ground, is reaching for it. The man, standing above her, seems to be grasping the branch in an effort to shake loose the creature. They are surrounded by an idyllic garden and water. On the bottom frame of the card we see three somewhat ominous figures - a white goat, a woman with pale white skin, long white hair and a malicious smile on her face, and a white owl. Above the couple we see a winged being pointing a spear or sword towards the tree.

To me, this card just shrieks (sorry I couldn't resist) of choices and of our connection to the Divine. The serpent is offering Adam & Eve to make one choice while the winged being seems to be trying to prevent them from accepting what the serpent if offering. There is temptation and distractions all around Adam & Eve but somehow they still manage to stay together. Their combined energies are the only thing that can help them make it through. Even if they make the wrong choice, their united powers can help them survive it. That is the key to this card - even if we lose our connection to the Divine, to the Universe, we can find it again through love and through combining our various energies to accomplish the task. This love doesn't necessarily mean romantic love, it means loving ourselves and our world and our spirit enough to keep struggling along.

On the White Cats Lovers card we see two cats of different breeds facing each other under the watchful gaze of a larger winged cat. The winged cat's markings make it appear to be an older, bearded angel. In the background there is a tree full of fruit and a serpent is twined around its trunk. The two cats in the foreground seem unaware of anything but each other - oblivious to potential dangers or temptations. Their fascination for each other allows them to focus on themselves and avoid any external lures.

I think we have all suffered the consequences of poor choices. But we are able to overcome these mistakes by holding on to our faith in ourselves, by marshaling our forces and forging ahead. If we let ourselves get too bogged down mourning and berating ourselves for making the mistake then we lose sight of the fact that we are part of the divine and can never truly lose that connections. We are part of the divine tapestry of the Universe and even death does not destroy our thread, it merely changes it. So our spirit will endure and triumph. But how we conduct ourselves in this life are a direct result of our choices. If we choose to let ourselves lose sight of our Divine connection, then that is our decision. We cannot hold someone else responsible. It has always seemed to me that one of the flaws of Christian theology is holding Eve (and all women) responsible for the ills of humanity. We all have the free will and choice to let ourselves suffer for this belief. If we are able to give and receive love, to accept the responsibility and consequences for our actions and to believe that "we are stardust" then we can never lose our connection to the Divine.

Even if we find it difficult to work with others or even incompatible elements within ourselves, that does not mean I am "bad". It simply means I need to find another path to achieve my goals. Perhaps one of the reasons I am finding it difficult to consolidate these disparate parts of myself is because I haven't found the right incentive. Once I have found the "right" project or goal for myself, I think it will become easier to get my multiple aspects to work together in harmony.

What do I need to focus on today? 5 of Cups (White Cats & Mansions of the Moon)

Tarot Broad — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 04:40:00 GMT

The number 5 represents that added something that brings the situation out of balance again. It represents the struggle and challenge of inner and outer growth. Cups are associated with emotions, love, pleasure in life; matters pertaining to the unconscious, intuition and the inner planes, and the element of water. This card often symbolizes the need to let go of our emotional connection to something that has passed out of our lives.

"Your feelings are in flux. Everything that seemed emotionally sure, now feels as though it's changing and shifting. You are adapting your emotional foundations. You may be sensing emotional uncertainly, discomfort or confusion. You may be feeling vulnerable. Your feelings and relationships are being challenged. Old feelings or relationships that weren't resolved in the past may be re-emerging for current resolution." - Gail Fairfield

"A Cat's Interpretation: Cats do experience loss of course, whether it's of territory, companions or simply the loss of prey they were hunting. However it's the rare cat that seems to dwell on this for long. A cat's nature is to forget and move on, and perhaps we humans could learn a lot from that." - Baroque Bohemian Cats companion book

Flux? I don't know if I feel in a state of flux. Although I do admit that I have been feeling a bit sad lately. It's getting near my brother Tom's birthday and it sometimes makes me a bit melancholy. I do love the Cat's Interpretation. There is something touching in the reminder that a cat does feel the loss but doesn't wallow in it. When her companion Chuchulinka was euthanized, Holler definitely moped around for a while. She clearly missed the "big sister" who had been there for her entire life. She did eventually adapt to being an only cat and now seems quite content to have our undivided attention.

Thinking about Tom at this time of year is both happy and sad. I am able to remember the silly things he used to do that made us all laugh so much. I also remember his fierce temper and his loyalty. Remembering him does not mean getting swamped and overwhelmed with loss. It means that I can remember him and honor him with love and joy. There is still pain but it's more of a bittersweet pain. I was lucky and blessed to have known him at all. That his time on this Earth was cut short doesn't take away from the gifts he gave me. And that's what I need to focus on - how he lived rather than how he died.

What is my lesson for the day? Queen of Cups R (White Cats & Mansions of the Moon)

Tarot Broad — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 04:35:00 GMT

Queens are associated with inner and personal control, competency, maturity, introspection, self-awareness, nurturance, healing and fulfillment. Cups are associated with the element of water, with emotions, love, pleasure in life, matters pertaining to the unconscious, intuition and inner planes. The Queen of Cups may be devoted to the needs of family and friends, and at her best shows a radiant, compassionate heart. She is intuitive and able to tune in to the emotional needs of others. She's a dreamer who can turn her imaginings into creative activity. Reversed she can symbolize someone who indulges in emotional outbursts and a martyr complex in a quest for sympathy. She can also become manipulative on an emotional level if she is unable to channel her energies into a productive outlet.

"Reversed: Your psychic or intuitive abilities are well-developed and may feel like second nature to you. You have reached some level of maturity and competency in dealing with your unconscious awareness. You can rely on your intuitive inspiration." - Gail Fairfield

"You're unpretentious and comfortable with yourself. Your spiritual path flows in all areas of your life." - Power Tarot

Ah, my new old friend the Queen of Cups. She is stalking me. Considering how long I have managed to evade her I have to give her points for her persistence. In her quiet, resolute way she refused to just disappear. She quietly snuck up on me and keep peeking out to let me know she was still around. She reminds me of a shadow that lingers around the edges of your vision but disappears when you try to see it head on. In her quiet, gentle yet inescapable way, she would not let me go until I learned to embrace her.

We're still working on our relationship. I have a long history of mistrust and dislike of this tolerant Queen. Luckily she is smiling at my folly and just patiently waiting for me to come to my senses. When she thinks it's necessary, she'll overwhelm me with water and wash away my doubts and fears. And ultimately what lies at all of my mistrust and dislike are fears. Fears that others won't like me. Fears that others will take advantage of me. Fears that others will hurt me. My defenses against just these types of occurrences were well-built and well defended but like a stream flowing through a mountain, the Queen of Cups slowly and patiently wore away the granite of my fortress.

In the process she has exposed me to a whole new realms. One where I can trust myself and listen to that inner voice, that intuitive voice and not feel that I have to explain it all away in a rational manner. She has shown me that embracing my inner Queen of Cups does not mean denying or distancing myself from my inner Queen of Swords. She has taught me that incorporating this energy will enrich my life not deplete it. I realize this will be a lifelong journey for me because I have to unlearn much of what my early life taught me but I look forward to the dance. I have a feeling she will teach me that before I can truly love and connect with others on an emotional level, first I have to love and connect with myself.

What is my lesson for the day?- Ace of Cups (White Cat & Mansions of the Moon)

Tarot Broad — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:34:00 GMT

Aces symbolize beginnings, the start of something new and the seed of new growth. Cups are associated with the element of water, with emotions, love, pleasure in life, matters pertaining to the unconscious, intuition and inner planes. They represent the growth and awareness of the unconscious, emotional interactions and relationships with others. Cups can also connect us with psychic activity and the Universe on an unconscious level. The Ace of Cups traditionally refers to a new emotional connection, new insight about a relationship or new growth in an area that brings pleasure to your life.

"You're feeing something new, maybe something you haven't felt before. It might be a new emotion, a new relations, or a new awareness about an existing relationship. The seed of love, anger, jealousy or another emotion has been planted." - Gail Fairfield

"Allow yourself to experience the joy of letting go into unconditional love and acceptance. By remaining open to opportunity and embracing what comes your way, you embark on a journey into higher consciousness. In conflicts between heart and mind, you follow your heart." - Power Tarot

There is such a sense of light-heartedness and joy in the White Cats Ace of Cups that I couldn't help but smile. The white cat on the card reaches out of the chalice towards the dove as though it is a game. She seems playful and adorable (although I'm sure if I were the dove I probably would have a different perspective). There is a sense of youthful exuberance to this card. The Mansions of the Moon (MotM) Ace of Cups is a bit more somber but no less beautiful. It impacts a sense of blessings and grace. The dove seems to be dropping something into the chalice and the roses strewn around its base add to the sense of peace and beauty the card offers.

Both cards give me a sense of calm, peace and joy. It is as though there is a wealth of love and emotional nourishment available to me; all I have to do is accept the cup. My cup actually does "runneth over". Of course the catch with someone like me is that we are always looking for the flip side, the ulterior motive. My faith in human generosity is stretched rather thin most of the time. If someone offers me something from the goodness of their heart, my cynic radar goes into overdrive. Or at least this is usually the case.

This time I am at a slightly different place in my life and in my self. I can accept the gift being offered without looking for ulterior motives. I cam embrace the love and support that the Universe is offering me (very often through caring friends and family), without suspicion. I think this card is both an affirmation and a reminder that I have the ability to grow on a deep, emotional level. For a long time I hid this side of myself in the shadows, hoping to protect myself from being hurt. Of course that didn't really work, all I succeeded at doing was making myself seem heartless and cold. That particular defense mechanism was well established and very effective. It also left me feeling isolated and cold. I pretended to have no emotions for so long that I began to believe it too. Luckily one of the benefits of being unemployed is that I've had some time to really get back in touch with who I really am and I have learned that I do have a heart. I am never going to be one of those people who puts my heart out there for the world but I am much more comfortable at crying at something that moves me (even if it is commercials). I also know that only a select group of people will be exposed to that side of me, and I'm comfortable with that too. I am slowly learning to embrace my Cup-ish nature. It will be a slow process but at least I've started down that road.

What is my lesson for the day? 5 of Swords (Whispering & Spirit World)

Tarot Broad — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 04:29:00 GMT

The number 5 represents that added something that brings the situation out of balance again. It represents the struggle and challenge of inner and outer growth. The suit of Swords is associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind, communication and the element of air. This is a card of struggle, of dealing with intellectual cruelty and taunts.

"Your lifestyle is being challenged or changed. You are aware of the limitations of a given philosophy as you act it out in your daily life. Your communication patterns may be in flux as a result of feedback from others. You could be adjusting (editing) something you've written or said." - Gail Fairfield

Calamity, danger, explosion, damage, accidents and injuries. Cancellations. Distress magnified by worry. Helplessness against force of circumstances. Broken appliances or automobiles. Abandonment, exit with harsh words. The situation is finished, but not yet ended. Panic attacks, excessive worry. Anxiety and depression; dark moods that may spiral out of control. Bad manners and rudeness. Cultural misunderstandings. Event that breaks down barriers or disrupts entire group structure." - Whispering Tarot companion book

"The desire for revenge or retribution can obscure out true goals" - Spirit World LWB

I love the obscure, the esoteric. Even when I am interested in something that has limited audience appeal, I find a way to narrow it even further. For example I am a polytheistic, a Pagan but I'm not Wiccan. That was a little to "popular" for me. I chose to align myself with a more Druidic/Celtic Reconstructionist and Asatru/Norse Reconstructionist path. I love cooking and wanted to get a new set of pots. Instead of buying something new, I inherited my mom-in-law's vintage Revere Ware pots and now I'm searching for more pieces. Why do something that is only slightly difficult when I can find a way to make it even more challenging? This seems to be one of the ways I manifest the 5 of Swords in my life. I create challenges that I then find ways to surmount. They are certainly not life threatening in any way. If I fail at these challenges no one will be harmed. It is simply one way to challenge myself and bring another level of intellectual stimulation to my interests.

I have known for many years that I have this trait. It first hit me between the eyes when I realized that my first computer was a Commodore 64. Not for me the stodge PC or the relatively academic (at the time) Apple IIC. I had to select the even more obscure Commodore 64. I did a lot of research before making my selection and felt relatively confident it would meet my needs. When I upgraded it was to an Amiga 500 (also made by Commodore). When Commodore went out of business I was very disappointed. I reluctantly moved to the ranks of PC ownership because most of the software programs I wanted to use were in that format, but I never really felt the same affection for my PCs that I felt for my Commodore computers. When I started collected Tarot decks not only did I collect mass market decks, I developed a predilection for collecting self-published, relatively obscure Tarot decks.

I have a tendency to do a lot of research in my hobbies and immerse myself. When I started collecting dolls I learned all that I could about recognizing the differences between #1 and #3 vintage Barbies (even though I had no desire to collect them). I learned the differences between the 900 series fashions and the 1600 series. When I wanted to acquire a quality set of pots (rather than my usual method of buying whatever was on sale at the store). I initially wanted a brand that was rated very highly by Cook's Illustrated magazine. It is only available at Wal-Mart (which was a serious drawback) but was reasonably priced - 10 pieces for $199. It was rated as comparable to All-Clad cookware with a much lower price point. I read reviews and considered my options. By the time I decided to purchase a set Wal-Mart had raised the price to $280 (I'm sure they realized that the good review from CI increased popularity of the set and decided to cash in). That infuriated me so much that I refused to purchase the set.

This set me on a quest to find another set of quality cookware that I could afford. One night while ranting to my hubby he mentioned that his mom's set of Revere Ware was still in good shape and she never used it anymore. So when we stopped over there on Christmas Eve I looked at the pots. They needed to be cleaned but were still in very serviceable condition. She also had a Farberware frying pan that was in good condition. I researched Revere Ware online and learned that pots made prior to 1968 were considered to be very high quality. After 1968 the company change the pots and gave them a much thinner copper coating making them of a much lower quality. So I gave my mom-in-law a few of the nonstick pots I have in the house and (with her blessing) took the Revere Ware. They cleaned up beautifully and I love knowing that I'm carrying on a family tradition. Of course now I am searching for a vintage Revere Ware skillet & 8-qt stock pot to complete the set. In addition I ordered a Tramontina 6.5qt Dutch oven (it was also ranked a Best Buy by Cook's Illustrated). Once I dive into something, I go whole hog.

What do I need to focus on today? Queen of Swords R (Whispering & Spirit World)

Tarot Broad — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 04:25:00 GMT

The Queen of Swords is often seen as a dominant, intelligent and independent woman. In fact she is sometimes referred to as "the widow" because she is perceived as capable of doing things alone. But I think her reality is much more subtle than that. It's not that she doesn't need a man or a partner, it's that she doesn't depend upon them for her existence. She exists and thrives separate and apart. She is confident of her opinions and thoughts and effectively communicates her ideas and philosophy. She can be diplomatic when the need arises and cutting when the occasion calls for it. I often associate the Queens with the element of Earth. So the Queen of Swords would represent Earth of Air. She combines the traits of sensing and thinking. She is at ease in her physical space but does not become lost in it.

Reversed: "You have been involved with a particular set of attitudes or beliefs for a long time. There is a depth and maturity to the way you understand what you believe. You've worked out the kinds in what you believe to be "true" about life and are now confident that your values will hold true no matter what comes your way. You communicate with yourself at a rich and meaningful level." - Gail Fairfield

"Ill-Dignified: A shrew, or a woman who makes catty remarks and gossips. An embittered divorcee, or woman whose heart has been broken by the loss of a loved one or child. She may be cunning, or play at intrigues and cloak-and-dagger games. Too smart for her own good. Clever in her own way, but does not respect or understand the boundaries and emotions of others, thus causes hurt. She may be exiled from family or friends, or carry a grudge for years. Lack of compassion; deny responsibility and blame others. Excessive fault-finding or criticism." - Whispering Tarot companion book

"Knowing how to view the best aspect of a situation is a quality that belongs to those who are determined and do not underestimate the risks." - Spirit World LWB

I have drawn the Queen of Swords quite a bit over the past month - five time to be exact. Her energy -both upright and reversed, has shown it's influence quite a bit over the past month. Obviously she is trying to tell me something. Whether I've received her message or not is unclear.

I have always felt a connection to the Queen of Swords. Her energy and persona is one with which I am very comfortable. although she is often portrayed in negative terms, I find her very strong and empowering. She does not rely on stereotypical "feminine wiles" to get her way. She uses intellect, logic and wits to achieve her goals. She is sometimes misunderstood by others and may not always be well liked, but she always does what she believes is right. She is sometimes seen as being too masculine because she believes that logic and sense should win the day rather than being forced to win the case by guile or charm. I've often viewed the Queen of Swords as a breath of fresh air - honest to a fault. She does not like to use deception to achieve her goals.

Of course there is a negative side to her too. She can sometimes subsume her emotional side so much that she no longer connects to it. This may leave her unable to understand the motivations of others. As I've mentioned before, this is a trait with which I can completely identify. I think the tendency to be sarcastic and very cutting is one of the more negative Queen of Swords traits that I possess too. Sometimes it can be an asset such as when I'm on a roll and expressing my wittier, comic side. When I am in a nasty mood I can be quite cutting and vicious. I'm not always proud of it but I do acknowledge it.

I'm not sure if the Queen of Swords is reminding me that I have these traits and it's time to put them to good use or if she's warning me not to rely solely on her talents. Perhaps it's a bit of both. Considering I've drawn her 5 times this month, the Queen of Cups 4 times and the Queen of Wands once, perhaps what they are telling me is that I am quietly developing my inner Queen of Cups (whom I have previously avoided like the plague) but I still keep her well protected by surrounding her with my Swords persona.

What message do you have for me today? 10 of Pentacles (Whispering & Spirit World)

Tarot Broad — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 04:20:00 GMT

10 is the number of perfection, completion and wholeness. It can mean something is over but not finished and about to begin again. Pentacles are associated with the material world, acquisitions of wealth and possessions, our connection to Earth and Nature, sensation, matters pertaining to the physical plane and the element of earth. Pentacles can also be connected with practicality, groundedness and being realistic. The 10 of Pentacles often represents the contented, solid, happy family.

"You are recognizing that you may soon need to make some decisions about the kind of security pattern that you have established. Your current security is stable but not growing or developing. Your job or home situation is steady but not stimulating. Your financial situation is safe and low-risk. Pretty soon, things will begin to stagnate if no changes are made. But for now, it feels comfortable to maintain the kind of security that you have and to avoid making too many changes." - Gail Fairfield

"Peace and prosperity. A happy family. Contentment; prosperity and luxuries. Inheritance; inter-relationships between different generations. Grand-parents and grandchildren. Family stability and support. Valuable property or real estate. A comfortable home in a good neighborhood. Schools, colleges, hospitals, and other institutions of learning. Corporations, big deals for lots of money. A profitable investment. Pensions and IRAs, other tools to assure wealth in old age or retirement. The end of a career - retiring to a comfortable rest." - Whispering Tarot companion book

Abundance, prosperity, having it all - these terms are often associated with the 10 of Pentacles. Not bad qualities to be sure. However those terms may mean different things to different people. For some, prosperity and abundance mean having a lot of possessions and money. For others, it may having the ability to purchase whatever new toys come on the market, while for others it might mean the ability to have what they need in life. It's a matter of perception. I have often noticed that when things are the most difficult for me on a financial level, I begin to buy things. It's almost as if I'm buying them now while I still can so that I can store them against future lean times; a bit of a hoarder mentality. I have gone through enough times in my life where money was so tight we were limited to eating boiled potatoes or spaghetti without sauce. I have no intentions of experiencing that again.

Maybe the message from the cards is that I will always have enough as long as I can adjust my perspective to focus on what is important. The reality is that even if I lost all my "things" tomorrow, I could still go on and be happy. Don't get me wrong, I'd be very upset and disappointed to lose my books, dolls, Tarot decks, etc. I'd probably mourn that loss for a long time but ultimately they are not what makes me happy and content. They are not what fulfills me. If anything they can often become distractions. Instead of actually doing something like exercising or cooking or even meditating, I will spend hours losing myself on the computer. Sometimes having too much of a good thing is not so good.

I think the 10 of Pentacles is trying to remind me that happiness is not dependent upon material possessions or financial status. It does not require having a home filled with "things". It's about being happy with who you are and where you are in your life. It's about having a sense of security and being surrounded by those we love and who love and care about us in return. Instead of focusing on what I want or don't already have in my life, maybe it's time to focus on the happiness and blessings that do fill my life. It's certainly a much more pleasant prospect.

What do I need to focus on today? Queen of Swords (Paulina & Metamorphosis)

Tarot Broad — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:18:00 GMT

The Queen of Swords is often seen as a dominant, intelligent and independent woman. In fact she is sometimes referred to as "the widow" because she is perceived as capable of doing things alone. But I think her reality is much more subtle than that. It's not that she doesn't need a man or a partner, it's that she doesn't depend upon them for her existence. She exists and thrives separate and apart. She is confident of her opinions and thoughts and effectively communicates her ideas and philosophy. She can be diplomatic when the need arises and cutting when the occasion calls for it. I often associate the Queens with the element of Earth. So the Queen of Swords would represent Earth of Air. She combines the traits of sensing and thinking. She is at ease in her physical space but does not become lost in it.

"Your mental faculties are well-tuned. You are expressing your philosophy, fully and powerfully, through your lifestyle and activities. You are not likely to be threatened by other peoples' lifestyles because you are sure of your own. Your communication process is strong and effective, you are powerful in presenting your ideas because you understand them so thoroughly." - Gail Fairfield

""Strong-willed, honest, articulate, dignified, reserved, willing to face the truth, protective, quick-witted." - Paulina LWB

"Perceptive and complex woman, fit for directing changes in her favor. (Legend of the Siren)" - Metamorphosis LWB

Once again I draw my old companion but in a new guise. The Metamorphosis Queen of Swords (a Siren) looks seductive and yet cold. She is obviously creating waves to disrupt the journey of the ship before her and yet no emotion appears on her face. She seems like a child playing with a toy. She is surrounded by waters, usually connected with emotion, but feels nothing. She seems somewhat cold and alien. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that she is the personification of the ocean - unfeeling and emotionless. The ocean can wipe out entire towns and have no remorse, that is just not in its nature. The Queen of Swords may share some of this quality.

The Paulina Queen of Swords is less seductive but more mysterious and maybe even more dangerous. She hides much of herself beneath a cloak that allows her to blend in with her background. Her two companions (badger?) seem both harmless and frightening - like a clown. She seems to be trying to hide her actions from view as she holds her sword aloft. Is she awaiting someone in order to attack? Is she fearing an attack and preparing herself? What is motivating her actions?

Both these Queens of Swords are alluring, fascinating and frightening all at once. I almost get the sense that I cannot connect with them or understand their motivations because they are not fully human. They seem otherworldly; beyond human. They remind me of Gary Mitchell from the classic Star Trek episode "Where No Man Has Gone Before" who has been granted god-like powers. The more he uses his powers the less connected he is to the humans around him. He is ultimately able to kill his former crewmates with no more emotion than someone swatting a fly. I get that same sense from both these queens. It is as though we risk being found not worthy and removed from their sight as a result.

I have to admit this is a trait I sometimes share. Of course I don't have the ability to physically remove anyone from this plane of existence but I certainly have, and have used, the ability to remove them from my personal existence. I have an unfortunate tendency to show little patience for "morons" and "idiots". This has nothing to do with people's actually intellectual abilities and everything to do with their ability to aggravate me. Once I have decided someone is beneath my notice or not worthy of my friendship, not much can change that opinion. It's one of the not so nice aspects of my personality. At the same time it is not one that I am especially drawn to alter in any way. I certainly acknowledge that a world filled with variations of me would be a boring, not to mention frightening, place. At the same time I do not feel the need to waste my time and energy on people with whom I feel no connection.

I will be honest, as much as I might care for my friends and relatives who have children I rarely enjoy listening to them regale me with tales of their offspring's brilliance and specialness. Ironically I often love speaking to and spending time getting to know said children. Part of the problem is that I don't have anything to contribute to this conversation. What can I add - "Oh yeah, I know what you mean - Holler was so cute the other night when she coughed up a hairball"? I also dread running into friends who are pregnant. I really do not care what kind of vitamins you take or what color it causes your poop to change. I hope their children are healthy and happy but my life does not revolve around anyone's children so it's a little difficult to connect on that level. I have actually experienced Mr. Spock moments (or I guess I could now refer to them as Sheldon in honor of the uber-geek on Big Bang Theory) of feeling like an alien in a world full of creatures I cannot understand. They don't last long but that sense of being "other" can be quite unnerving. I think that is the shadow side of the Queen of Swords for me. She is a worthy adversary, a brilliant communicator and a gifted diplomat but she can also spend too much time inside her head and become disconnected from humanity. Perhaps that is something I am risking by being such a Hermit lately. Maybe it's time to get out there and interact with people in person rather than online. I don't want to become one of those brains without a body that are so prevalent in sci fi tales.

What message do you have for me today? 5 of Swords R (Paulina & Metamorphosis)

Tarot Broad — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 04:13:00 GMT

The number 5 represents that added something that brings the situation out of balance again. It represents the struggle and challenge of inner and outer growth. The suit of Swords is associated with reason, thought, logic, will, courage, verbal skill, matters pertaining to the mind, communication and the element of air. This is a card of struggle, of dealing with intellectual cruelty and taunts.

"You're getting feedback that's encouraging you (or forcing you) to change your beliefs and attitudes. Opinions and ideas that you thought were "true" are going through a process of adjustment and change. You may even feel confused or unsure about your chosen beliefs. Others may not see it, but you're challenging and changing your attitudes." - Gail Fairfield

"Paranoia, malice, anger." - Paulina LWB

"The crises after change. Changes that lead to defeat. This however, should be considered a necessary phase. Changing of one's scale of values (Legend of the Golem)." - Metamorphosis LWB

There is a sadness to the Paulina card that makes one realize how painful and hurtful it can be to experience this type of mental confusion and struggle. I can almost feel her anguish. At the same time it is clear that there no physical cause for her pain, it is mental. It reminds me of the title of a classic Star Trek episode - "Dagger of the Mind". In that episode, Capt. Kirk is subject to mind control via a neural neutralizer and forced to do things against his will. This card makes me things of how many times in my life I have felt this way, although not because of a neural neutralizer. How many times in our lives do we find ourselves acting against our true will because we are following orders or want to be part of the group or just don't feel we can act on our true wishes. That kind of stress and pressure can create cracks in our sense of self; make us question ourselves and our beliefs.

On the Metamorphosis 5 of Swords, a golem is being created. Once again this reminds me of a situation where people are forced to act against their deepest beliefs because of fears and doubts. In Jewish folklore, the golem is a creature created to protect the Jewish community in Prague from persecution. Although they might not normally behave in a way to cause harm to others, in this instance the Jews were so fearful and angry at their treatment that they acted against their deepest beliefs to protect themselves.

On a bigger canvas, this card reminds me of the current U.S. military actions in Iraq and Afghanistan. Whether I think the wars are justified or not isn't the point. The point is that a nation that prides itself on democracy and liberty should realize that we cannot force these beliefs on other cultures. It needs to grow from within the culture not be imposed from without. By trying to impose it from without we are creating situations that create 5 of Swords situations for ourselves and for the countries involved. We give them a focus for their fears and a target to aim for with their vengeance. I think that is another facet of the 5 of Swords. No one wants to feel this way - this self-doubt, fear, anguish. In an effort to get rid of it we aim it at the nearest target and release. I can think of several times in my life when I've felt down on myself and taken it out on someone else. Psychology has a term for it - Projection. It is a defense mechanism that allows us to reduce anxiety. In some international situations, the U.S. has become (sometimes rightly so) has become the object upon which other nations project their own internal anxieties. Okay, maybe I'm simplifying and stretching but it makes some sense to me.

On a personal level, the 5 of Swords maybe telling me to look at instances where I've projecting my own anxieties and feelings of low self-worth onto other people or objects, blaming them for my situation. This can be helpful for a certain period of time, to allow us to heal and reach a less emotional place. In the long term it's ultimately self-defeating because it gives our power away to someone else. So I need to embrace the 5 of Swords, being careful not to cut myself on the sharp edges, because unless I can do this I cannot take control back in my own life.

What message do you have for me today? Judgment R (Paulina & Metamorphosis)

Tarot Broad — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 04:06:00 GMT

Traditionally Judgment represents a time of returning to the light after experiencing the darkness. It is a card of rebirth, renewal and rejuvenation; of healing and transformation. It can also be seen as a wake-up call telling us that our perspective on life is about to change and wake us up to new ways of looking at things. It may represent experiencing natural growth and maturation; an old phase of your life ending because you are ready and mature enough to move forward. Things are maturing at their natural pace and now you are transitioning into a new phase of your life so it's time to celebrate.

"Positive: You are experiencing the joy of having things mature at their natural pace. You know that you are moving into a new phase in your life and you're celebrating the transition. You can trust that this natural maturation process is working out well for you.
Upright: The events of your life are going through a phase change or maturing at their own pace. Your relationship (or your wine or your child) has grown and matured and is now moving into a new age. Things have progress naturally and now you can symbolize or ritualize the passage into the new phase." - Gail Fairfield

"Loss, stagnations, fear of change, ill health." - Paulina LWB

"The Metamorphosis of the Spirit - In the most profound recesses of our psyche sleep precious chrysalides waiting to be reawakened. Let this change occur and acquire a more open and creative outlook of things." - Metamorphosis LWB

Hmm, the joy of things maturing. That sounds interesting. Of course in light of the day and the company I would have to apply this to my relationship with my family in general. In the past my relationship with my sister and mother has been occasionally strained. To say that I have tended to be judgmental of their choices, decisions and actions would be an understatement on my part. I have no idea if they have been judgmental about mine for two reasons - I never asked and they tend to not tell me things like that. For better or worse, I have somehow become the great authority in my family. They have often claimed to be afraid to tell me things because of how I might react. Ironically my reaction or lack thereof is worthless because they can't change what has already occurred and probably wouldn't even if they could. In reality I think I am given much more power than I actually have in these relationships.

I am honest enough to admit that there is something in my psyche that would allow me to cut off contact with my family with minimal pain on my part. I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt but I would show it. And if I feel truly vindicated in this decision (such as the time I didn't speak to my sister for several months because she did not ask me to be my oldest nephew's godmother) then it is very easy for me to convince myself it doesn't matter. It seems to cause me less pain when I withdraw from them, than it causes my sister and mother. I don't count my brother in this because I honestly have no idea what he feels about these things. I know what he says he feels but it doesn't always match his actions.

In time, my mother, sister and I have reached a place where we can have a good time with each other and let go of our judgments and attitudes. It's not always successful - we still have our battles, but it does allow us to have some fun times together. I do like my mother and sister and would probably have a great time with them even if they weren't my mother and sister. What I have to do is separate that from the stuff that drives me crazy. It can be very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when someone is complaining about a situation in their life but takes no responsibility for having helped create it. My mom and sister have a tendency to revel in martyrdom and victimhood and it drives me nuts.

Today turned out to be a lot of fun. Sandy and mom came up with Sandy's kids for Christmas dinner. Sandy made a really good lasagna, I made a pork roast, mashed potatoes and some veggies. Once the food was done we took it over to the mom-in-law's house to eat. I think the kids were a bit much for the mom-in-law but we all had fun. The food was good and we laughed a lot. Then we headed back to my house to watch the latest Family Guy take on Star Wars "Something, Something, Something Dark Side" (good but not as funny as Blue Harvest). By then Jack had pretty much had enough with this sitting still crap and became a bit disruptive, but I can't say I blame him. If I were five years old and there was snow outside I wouldn't want to be in the house either. They left after the movie because mom had to be in work. Overall I think we all had a great time.

After they left, hubby and I watched some television and had some snacks while we sat under the glow of the twinkling Christmas lights. I love twinkling Christmas lights. I may hate decorating and wrapping gifts but I do love the lights.

What I love even more is the fact that I have matured to the point where I can be with my sister and not spent the whole time judging various aspects of her life. The reality is that it's her life, it's not my business. I can be supportive and helpful sometimes but I can't make decisions for her. No matter how much I might disagree with what she does and how she does it, it's her life. She has to learn from her own mistakes and grow at her own pace. It can be hard to accept that as the older sister there is nothing I can to protect her and keep her safe (which is really what this is all about), but that's how life goes. It's a good thing I don't have kids - I can't imaging how much I'd smother them.

What is my lesson for the day? 10 of Cups R (Whispering & Spirit World)

Tarot Broad — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:57:00 GMT

The number 10 indicates that something is over but not finished and about to begin again - completion and perfection. Cups are associated with love, happiness, relationships, dreams and the emotional pleasures of life. Traditionally the 10 of Cups symbolizes tranquility, happy family life and achievement of dreams, emotional fulfillment, contentment.

"You've reached a level of security with your psychic work but nothing's changing or growing anymore. You know you need to take some risks and move on but you're not feeling quite ready to do it yet." - Gail Fairfield

"Ill-Dignified: A situation with no perfect resolution. Learning to live with things the way they are. Built-in flaws that cannot be removed. At a distance from family, homesickness. A grandparent in ill health. A divorce that hurts both families. Separation, exits. A child leaving home.." - Whispering Tarot companion book

"Friendship grows by practicing generosity and the spirit of sacrifice"

Hmm, I think this refers to one very simple fact - hubby and I decided to have a few drinks tonight. The 10 of Cups are reversed because they are empty. Nothing major or dramatic about it.

Actually I think it was a time for the two of us to just focus on ourselves and sort of wrap each other in a cocoon - no distractions from outside. It was an opportunity for us to celebrate the fact that we have a lot of joy and blessings in our lives (even with all the stress and aggravation). Sometimes it can be so easy to lose sight of the happiness in life because of all the stress and challenges. Sometimes it's about "things" - the belief that I'll be happy if only I buy this thing. It might be a book, a car or jewelry. Especially when it's around Christmas time it can be easy to lose focus and concentrate on what we are giving to others and what we'll receive in return. I'm as guilty as anyone else. I can quickly become like a two year old "I want this and I want that". Afterwards, when the frenzy subsides, I realize that all I've done is add more stuff to my collection. It's not that I don't appreciate each and every gift I receive. It's that I know they don't make me any happier in the long run. They only provide some temporary distractions.

So with all of that said, what does truly make me happy? The first thing is my hubby. Our relationship has caused me to grow and expand myself in a number of ways. Even when we fight (which sometimes seems like all the time) I know we both love each other and can count on each other to be there when things get rough. My family also brings joy into my life. Yes they give me a headache sometimes (whose family doesn't), but they also listen when I'm feeling sorry for myself or need to rant or pontificate. I also love cooking. I had forgotten how much until my recent bout of unemployment but being home so much has allowed me to reacquaint myself with this lost love. I enjoy cooking, reading & collecting recipes, looking through cooking magazines and food books. It's been truly wonderful to have a chance to explore this hobby once again. Now I only wish I had more people to cook for.

What message do you have for me today? Queen of Cups R (Whispering & Spirit World)

Tarot Broad — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 01:37:00 GMT

Queens are associated with inner and personal control, competency, maturity, introspection, self-awareness, nurturance, healing and fulfillment. Cups are associated with the element of water, with emotions, love, pleasure in life, matters pertaining to the unconscious, intuition and inner planes. The Queen of Cups may be devoted to the needs of family and friends, and at her best shows a radiant, compassionate heart. She is intuitive and able to tune in to the emotional needs of others. She's a dreamer who can turn her imaginings into creative activity. Reversed she can symbolize someone who indulges in emotional outbursts and a martyr complex in a quest for sympathy. She can also become manipulative on an emotional level if she is unable to channel her energies into a productive outlet.

"Reversed: Your psychic or intuitive abilities are well-developed and may feel like second nature to you. You have reached some level of maturity and competency in dealing with your unconscious awareness. You can rely on your intuitive inspiration." - Gail Fairfield

"Ill-Dignified: A petulant, demanding woman, who considers her own emotional needs before others. Using her shrewd assessment into the emotions and characters of others, she may deliberately place others at a disadvantage, or undermine their efforts through spite. A miserable mother-in-law, or a woman whose family has no use for her any more. May be sad and grieving for a lost spouse - a widow or unwilling divorcee." - Whispering Tarot companion book

"Experience without reflection could be completely useless." - Spirit World LWB

This ties in nicely with the message I received yesterday. The Queen of Cups is letting me know that I need to look within myself for the answers I seek - no one else can give them to me. I like Gail Fairfield's take on the reversed Queen of Cups. Maybe it is time for me to accept this and work with it. I've often brushed off the idea that I have any intuitive abilities. On some level it makes me feel like a fraud to claim I'm psychic. However I think the reality is more subtle. We all have "hunches" or "feelings" about various situations in our lives. We might not consider them psychic or intuitive but in reality they are. They connect us to a side of our nature that is not so clear cut and easy explainable. Naturally my Queen of Swords nature resists giving in to this intuition crap. She prefers things to be easily explainable and rational. Of course life is rarely rational or explainable. As I mature and grow more comfortable with my intuitive side I realize that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Of course acknowledging that side of my nature and actually embracing it are two different things. I'm working towards the latter but I'm not quite there yet. I guess the Universe is telling me it's time to start working on it a bit more. Isn't it ironic to say one has to be disciplined about building up one's psychic and intuitive muscles, but the reality is that I do. If I didn't work on strengthening them and building my trust in them, they would soon atrophy and fade away. This is not something I want to happen - I've worked too long and hard to get where I am, I'm determined not to lose what I've worked so hard to acquire.